Epitaph to My PC

My dear computer it is hard to see you sit there waiting but not willing.
You worked hard for me, You helped me keep up with news and friends.
My thoughts of all kinds were kept on you, You never told unless I said to.
With you, I entangled myself in the world wide web.
I found prices on everything from air-fare to houses, cars and yes even computers.
I learned a lot of things thanks to your searches.
You and your big monitor companion were the top of the line when we bought you.
Was it seven years ago? More or less I can't remember. We've been through it all.
We moved you from several different homes. You never complained,well maybe a little.
You got sick when you were still under warranty. But you were fixed and continued on.
When I had no cd player, you happily played everything from oldies to the new stuff.Thanks to you and your partner, the monitor I could keep up with TV shows.
I even kept up with my sports teams when I could not see them on TV.
But you as you got older, you didn't want to work as hard. Disk boot failures, etc.
We thought about replacing you. Yes the newer machines are sleeker, smarter, faster.
You didn't complain when we had to to find a new place to live.
Off to Waco we went. A new life for both you and I. We even went to Ozona together.
Your virtual memory started complaining and you lost connection a lot.
Sometimes you buffered painfully slow. Then without warning, it happened.
I turned you off because we were going to Waco for Halloween trick or treating.
When we came back I pushed your button as usual. But something was not right.
As if to tell me your life's work was done, you left a message on the monitor.
"Dr. Jason" examined you. Sadly, your illness was terminal.
Oh I guess I could get you a new hard drive, but at your age? Maybe death is better.
I can't say "Dear PC,I don't think I like you anymore" as Rodney Carrington would.
I don't know how I will go on without you for I have resisted laptops. But...
For now I'll have to muddle through on the family pc's here and in Waco.
Twitter, Facebook, and the Malitz Muse will not be the same without you PC.
Rest in Peace PC. You did your job well. I will miss you.

Street Gang in Heaven?

One day St. Peter saw a street gang walking up to the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some low-life street gang members at the Gates. What do I do?"

God relied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Redirect them."

St. Peter went back to carry out the order, but he suddenly came running back and yelling, "God, God, they’re gone! They’re gone!"


"The street gang?"


"No, the Pearly Gates!"

There's Gotta Be a Pony in Here Somewhere.

There are days when we all have things go bad. I can certainly relate to that fact. Some of us handle things better than others.Me, I tend to get crabby. Me-crabby? Hell, yes. Sometimes I almost want to say "what the Hell did I do to deserve this?" It's then I have to remind myself of what I do have. What would I do without my daughters Annie and Traci? I don't even want to think of that. I'm very lucky and blessed to have them.

Then there are days when I finally make up my mind to look forward. Ok, I'll talk to Jason, see what he thinks. Hummm. Interesting. Then I talk to Bobby. Ok,they both think I can do this. So I start researching things. Well this might take a while to accomplish what I need to do. I need to do this, I need to do that. Oops, I stepped in that hole again. Now I have to brush off the shit and re-think things. Oh, ok, this is not impossible. Yeah, no car, no job. But, this is not insurmountable, keep looking ahead. Let me check out some things online. Uh...what is this?

Yet another problem I have found. Jeez, come on. Just how much of this shit do I have to shovel? After coming back from Traci's house for Halloween, I turn on my computer. What is this? According to my pc, it's dying. When I turned it on, it presented me with an ominous message. My hard drive might(is) bad. Jason checked it out for me. Yeah,it looks like the patient (pc) is terminal. Crap! More shit! In my mind's eye I see yet another roadblock. So, what do I do now? I'm lost.

Then this morning I see a Bible passage. Hebrews Chapter 10, verse 35 "Cast not away...your confidence which hath great recompence of reward". I guess I'm supposed to "keep the Faith, baby". I read somewhere that when problems keep being put in your way, the reason is that the Enemy knows you are improving and moving forward and this is his way to discourage you. Or it could just be that I keep getting into all this shit cause if I did deep enough I'm gonna find a pony and it will be a Grand Champion! I'd like to think so.

The Misadventures of Bailey and Landry

In case anyone cares - it was cold last night! It was a three dog night and I'm short on dogs. Lady and Daisy aren't quite enough. We could have had four dogs in the house. We did for a while.Just imagine two mini-dachshunds and two labs all in the same room. Let's see I fished two toys out of the labs mouths yesterday. Hum. The labs usually stay outside but...

Annie got a call saying her dogs had gotten out and were roaming the street. Luckily they were found and brought back. Bailey and Landry (named after characters on "Friday Night Lights") were very, very naughty. Yes, even Supernanny, Jo Frost would probably not have been happy with them. So how did they get out? Over the last several weeks I had seen them standing at the fence. They would stand on their hind legs watching me take Lady or Daisy out in the front yard. Bailey and Landry would bounce around on their hind legs, wagging their tails. They wanted to play. It occurred to me that if they gave it some thought they could easily jump the fence. So when they went awol Annie and I figured that might be what they had done. When they escaped a second time, we really got worried. I was outside walking Lady when the two labs came bounding up the street to see us. Want'a play? We ended up bringing them inside until we could think of something.

Of course bringing two BIG dogs inside was not what Lady and Daisy wanted, not to mention what Willy, the cat, thought. So after grabbing the toys out of the "big mouths" we had to clean all the toys up and put them out of reach. The labs just wanted a little fun. Willy was not happy with the chase game. Daisy bared her teeth every time they came near her. "Don't you dare put your paws on me" she seemed to say. Lady just growled. She stood her ground against the giants. Daisy tried to run and hide, except when Annie brought the BIG rawhide bone inside that Bailey and Landry like to play with. Daisy actually swiped it out from under them!

For some reason Bailey and Landry liked to follow me around the house. Every where I went they followed. They oddly seemed at ease around me and stayed "calm and submissive" as "The Dog Whisperer" Cesar Milan would say. I would think it a little crazy myself but for the fact that most dogs seem to like me. I don't know how many times I have been some place where they was a mean or annoying dog. The owners would always tell me "He's mean or he bites..." Not me! I sit down and almost any dog thinks suddenly I am the best friend! Maybe they think I look like a dog? I don't think I smell like a dog. At least no-one has told me that. Sometimes I wonder if dogs liking me is a good thing or a bad thing.

Later when Jason got home from work he went out to the back yard, thinking that Bailey and Landry might have to be tied onto a lead outside for a while. Let's face it. Two big, lovable dogs and two little boys could spell trouble inside a house. The dogs could stand up at the counter and steal supper with no problem. Lady and Daisy have to wait until something drops. But Jason found the problem. The dogs had not jumped the fence has we had suspected. They just walked out the back of it. It seems that one side which was connected to the neighbor's fence had come loose making a nice open door. Aha! The escape route had been found. Once Jason solved the problem, the fence was once again intact. The adventures of Bailey and Landry came to an end. Further escape was foiled. That is until they really learn how to jump the fence.

Woman Gets Ticket For Not Speaking English

A Dallas area woman's daughter missed the school bus. So naturally the mother was a little bit upset. She hurried to her car to take her daughter to school. In her rush she apparently forgot to grab her driver's license. Oops! That was her first mistake. I'm sure there are many of us who have done the same thing. Shame, shame.

The woman got pulled over by a Dallas police officer for making an illegal U-turn. He also ticketed her for no driver's license and then he also gave her a third ticket for being a non-English speaking driver. Say what? Well there is a federal law that says commercial drivers must speak English. But there is no such state law for individual drivers in Texas. The woman is learning English so it is not as if she spoke no English at all. For most people it is humiliating enough to get one ticket while taking a child to school. She got three.

Of course the media jumped all over this story. The Dallas Police Department regretted what happened and said they thought it was clearly a mistake by an officer in training. The woman said it seemed to her that the rookie cop needed more training. A court dismissed the non English speaking driver ticket. I just hope she doesn't plan on getting a job as a commercial truck driver. At least until she has learned to speak English a little better.

Persistence Pays, Or How to Annoy the Hell Out of People

We are often told when we are young to work hard and be persistent. Chase those dreams, never give up. Keep trying. In everything from school work to athletics, to job hunting, we are told keep trying. But how much persistence is too much?

I remember how annoying a whining child can be. Sometimes we give in just to shut them up. I even remember how annoying spouses can be. I really don't miss that. My dogs sit up and beg for what ever they want at the moment. They will sit there in front of me, just staring at me until I notice them. Then, of course, I have to get up and do something for them. Once again they get what they want.

Let's not forget the telemarketers, sales people or bill collectors either. Just how many times do I have to tell those cemetery plot sellers that I will only be there three days, don't bother me again. Even if I tell them I want to be cremated they want to sell me a plot to bury my ashes. Have you ever gone to the mall only to be accosted by some sweet young woman who wants to spray the latest perfume on you? No thank you, let go of my arm! I almost slugged one gal for following me. Talk about persistent!
There is a bill collector who calls everyday to my cell phone number. I wonder who had that number before me. They keep leaving a voice-mail telling me to call a number.I wonder if I can block them from calling my "SmartPhone". Then again maybe the phone just isn't that smart...

But the high point of annoying persistence happened this morning. Poor Annie has been beset with a bad case of allergies. She can't sleep and sneezes a lot. She was really tired this morning so she went back to bed. In the meantime, a friend of hers called, and called, and called. You'd think she would get the message that Annie is not going to answer the phone. No she kept calling, first the house phone, then Annie's cell phone. I lost count after the tenth time.

What was the reason the woman persisted in calling? She had driven by the grammar school and saw an ambulance there. She assumed that it was there for one of Annie's children. Why would she automatically assume that? So she tried to call Annie over and over. Thinking the worst the friend would not give up. When she could not get Annie to answer the phone, she then called Jason's office only to find out that he was not there. He was out on business. But the woman assumed that there must be something wrong. Yeah, there was! She was annoying me! How could Annie get any rest with the phone ringing so often? I have always thought that if no-one answered, leave a message. If she had called me that many times, she might not have liked what I would have said.

To get ahead in this world we do have to try hard to achieve out goals and never give up.It's a good mindset to have. Never back down, keep fighting for what you want. On the other hand, we can persist to the point of annoying the Hell out of everybody. Who's up next and what the Hell do you want now?

Good Advise

This was written by 90 year old Regina Brett of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8 It's OK to get angry with God.. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29.. Time heals almost everything.. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33.. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back..
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
45. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves