Woman vs Phone

Isn't technology grand? First we had rotary phone service, then touch tone. Then came the cordless phones. But things really went wild when the cell phone became the gold standard. I remember when they first came out. They were expensive, big and boxy. Now they fit into the palm of your hand and can do almost anything except cook supper.Maybe one day we will all be able to dial a number to do that, too.

I've recently had to change phones. I had an old flip phone from Sanyo that I have had for years. I first got a cell phone when I went to Phoenix to be with my daughter Annie when she was about to have Skylar who is now seven. It was plain but useful. It took pictures and I could read e-mails, and text. I rarely used these features though. Why do you text on a phone anyway? For me it takes longer to find the right keys to text than it does to talk to a warm body on the other end of the phone.

Now I have a Smart Phone. Annie and Jason decided to let me use Jason's phone since he really doesn't use it. This is going to take some time for me to get used to this phone. It took me a while just to figure out how to answer it. So this is the way it is going to be, huh? Smart Woman vs Smart Phone? Smart Woman? Ok, you can stop laughing now. I haven't really paid attention to the changes in phones over the last few years so give me a break.

So now I have a phone which came with three manuals. One, the "Getting Started Guide", one the "Welcome to Sprint" and one called "Experience Sprint Power Vision". The last two manuals are still in their sealed wrappers having never been opened.This is in addition to a Desktop Software HotSync Manager User Guide. Huh? What? And let us not forget the Sync cord and some other tiny cord whose use I have forgotten. I did figure out how to plug the power cord into the wall so I can charge the phone.

Then I look at the top of the box with it's picture of the phone. The caption on the box says - "Make today extraordinary with this magical device. Instantly beam email, pictures...right to the palm of your hand...That's life at Sprint Speed." Sure it is. I finally sent a text out this morning. I forgot the keyboard is qwerty so I spent time trying to find the letters. I was still used to my old phone. I still say it is so much easier just to say "Hello".

So let's see, what shall I do now? Camera, camcorder, documents, downloads, emails, maps, messaging, video, even life tv are all at my fingertips. I can see downloading ring tones maybe or maps. I guess it would be a good idea to be able to create and send a document. I really don't know about watching video or tv on a cell phone like this. Just imagine watching tv and the actor's nose fills the entire screen. And to think that we went to the moon with much less technology.

Maybe one day I might actually figure this whole phone out. Everyone else seems to have no trouble doing all sorts of stuff with their phones.I still don't get why people sit in the same room, even on the same sofa, and text each other but that's another story. Well it does give me something to play with during the day. Yes ,sir there will come a day when I will be able to say that in the battle of the Smart Woman vs the Smart Phone, the Smart Woman won. Wait a minute the phone is ringing, now what do I do? Hey, I thought I told you to stop laughing!

From Bibles to Boats??

A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid replies, "Yeah, I was one of the best Bible salesman back in Omaha."

The boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid responds, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

"$101,237.65."

"$101,237.65? Holy Mother Mary! What did you sell to him?"

"First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn't think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4x4 truck with all the bells and whistles."

"A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!"

"No, the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot. You should go fishing.'"

Blessing a Body...?

A newly ordained deacon was asked to hold a graveside service for someone with no family or friends. It was his first official assignment, so he eagerly agreed.

Taking his duties very seriously, the deacon let early the next morning for the cemetery. However, he made several wrong turns and quickly got himself lost. When he finally arrived more than an hour late, the hearse was nowhere to be seen and the two workmen were eating lunch.

The deacon got out of his car, quickly threw on his vestments, and hurried to the open grave. Looking into the pit, he saw that the vault lid was already in place. With a sign, he took out his prayer book and read the burial service.

After he had left, one of the workmen said to the other, “Maybe we should have told him he just blessed a septic tank.”

Bench Warmer, or First String?

Sometimes life is like a game. Players are benched or traded for various reasons. The Astros just traded Ivan Rodriguez to the Rangers. He can now say, "gee this place looks familiar" when he arrives at the park. I see that Bret Favre has decided to un-retire again. Will he ever learn? Too bad, now the Texans won't get the game they wanted which would have had quarterback Matt Schaub against former backup Sage Rosenfels. Rosenfels was hoping to be the first string QB with the Vikings. He and Tarvaris Jackson were competing for the top spot. Now they will have to sit and wait for Favre to be benched or injured.

I have a great deal of empathy for those wonderful bench warmers who just sit and wait for their chance. Sometimes they get it, other times they get traded and still wait. Whether it be a young,eager player waiting to show what he can do, or a wily,old veteran hoping for one last chance for glory, they sit. They dream of what could be or what could have been.

Brian McTaggart, the Houston Astros blogger said he just talked to "Pudge". Rodriguez is sad to leave the Astros but is excited to go to the Rangers who have a chance to get into the playoffs.

Too bad that in the game of life we don't always get the chance to play or even just be able to be a bench warmer. Maybe we need to talk to our agents and tell them we're not happy on the bench. We've still got some pop in our bat. Surely we could be of use to some team? Where's the manager? Where's that high paid agent? What's that? The telephone? I'm a free agent? No? I've been traded? Well...Put me in coach, I'm ready to play. All I need is the bat and the glove...We're only 10.5 games out of first place? Oh...well, let's get out there and play some ball. This is the game of life, right?

Gunfight at the OK Corral, Sort of...

Yesterday was one of those days you would rather forget. As I told a friend last night, "gonna be a two glasses of wine night". It is a bit quieter today. Of course the reason why is that Aryn is now grounded and has to do chores as punishment. How does one little girl get into so much trouble? And yet she continues to argue...Boy her mother was mad! And then when her dad came home so was he! At this rate she will be grounded until she is 21.

But the real fight started while Brad was at the desk playing on the computer. Daisy and Sammie were both at his feet. For some unknown reason Lady had chosen not to join the other two there. But Spots, the cat, decided to stir up trouble. And when I say trouble, that is with a T. Somehow he managed to do some smack talking to the dogs. Then the next thing I hear is growling and yelping. This went on for a while before Traci and I could get the situation under control. Of course the cat who instigated the whole thing walks away completely unscathed. We get the dogs separated. I grab Sammie and pull her to the back door. Out the door she went.I though briefly about laying a smack-down on her. But it wouldn't have meant anything to her. Then I had to get Daisy calmed down and checked for injuries. Daisy was one shook up dog, but apparently none the worse for wear. So where did the cat go? He jumped onto one of the dining chairs and just looked at us all with "What's your problem?" look. Daisy stayed very close to me for the rest of the day and night. I still can't believe that Lady chose not to get into the fray.

Yes, it was a nerve-wracking day. A good excuse to have an extra glass of wine. At least the Astros won last night. It's hard to believe there are only about 50 games left in the season. One good thing did happen, I got the box of mail, finally along with another phone which I am now trying to learn to use. So now I can scratch the mail off my list. So now it's time to holster the guns or at least retract the cat's claws and let the sleeping dogs lie.

Happy Days are Here Again, Almost

The days dwindle down to a precious few... In less that two weeks school starts here. Summer vacation is almost over. I used to know a morning DJ years ago who would play the song" Happy Days are Here Again" on the first day of school just for the parents. On the last day of school, he played it for the kids. School shopping has been done for the most part.That is a nightmare I would not wish on anyone. Some of us "adult types" are eagerly awaiting August 24th. Peace and quiet will be savored, at least for a few hours a day.

Cheyanne is happy and ready to get back to school. She's a good student and is ready for new challenges in the 8th grade. Brad is not saying much about 3rd grade. Aryn does not want to go to 1st grade. She says so often!

These last few days have been, shall we say, a bit trying. For some reason the last days of summer vacation find the children irritable and annoying. At least it seems so for the younger two. Aryn has complained bitterly that she is bored. Diva that she is, nothing suits her. She complains loudly. When Mom reaches the boiling point "Aryn, go to your room" is heard several times a day. "Brad, stop screeching" is another common statement. Some days I have to remember to "duck and cover" due to the hostilities between children and parents.

Soon chaos will again be the order of the morning. Crabby kids who refused to go to sleep when told, will race through the house to get breakfast, school stuff , and hair fixed. Then they will trot out to the driveway and wait, listening for the wonderful sound of the school bus as it approaches the house. These kids do not know how lucky they are to have curb to curb service. Then for the better part of the day, the house will be relatively quiet. That is until the bus brings them back in the afternoon. Then Mom will be bombarded with papers to sign, homework to supervise and anything else that finds its way home with the kids.

And let us not forget that in just a few days they will be getting back in training. Aryn will, of course, not be happy because she will be the first to take a bath and go to bed. "Why do I have to go first?" will be her question. "You are the youngest, now go!" will be the answer. About a half hour later Brad will have to follow the same ritual. He will have to realize that he can no longer stay up all night and sleep away half the day. Cheyanne as the oldest will be the last to have to go to bed. I think she is the most ready to get all of this going.

Soon another summer will be gone. Sometimes it is hard to believe how fast it goes. The kids will all be in school, football games will be played, some won, some lost. Then time will continue to move on through August, September, November and so on. School days seem to go faster with each year.

But for those of us who will be kid-less for several hours of the day soon, the silence will be golden. "Happy Days are Here Again..."

From a Friend

Inner Peace


If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you anytime,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

And you thought I was going to get all spiritual.

The Summer Wind

I decided to take a break from playing Bejeweled on Facebook and go outside. I sat down on the concrete porch at the back of the house. The first thing I thought about was the news story I saw about snakes moving into downtown Austin. Seems the drought is making the creatures move. I know there could be some around here. Then I look at the newly mowed yard. Bobby mowed last night and also mowed down most of the garden which had all but died due to a lack of water and interest. That was also why I sneezed 14 times last night.

Sitting there by myself I noticed how quiet it was for a Monday afternoon. In the distance I could hear some constant sounds coming from the road by the airport. No planes were flying but cars and trucks were still driving by. No birds were flying around either. Maybe they were trying to keep cool in the shade of the trees. Flies still invaded my privacy. They fought for a place on my hands or my water glass as they buzzed around in search of something to eat. The only obvious sounds were those of the three wind chimes as they swayed in the hot, sultry wind. One wooden one clacked along almost in tune with my two metal ones. My "tacky" palm trees swayed to some unknown tune while my hummingbirds danced around as if they could hear music. Where's "Lola" when you need her? "At the Copa, Copacabana..."

Outside, I could not hear the children inside as they played video games or annoyed their parents with constant questions or problems. As I listened to the wind chimes and the wind wrestle with the tree leaves, I felt the warm, sultry blast of the summer breeze as it swirled around the house.Whenever the wind stopped, I could feel how stagnant the air was without that little breeze.

At that point I found myself thinking about what is next for me. I don't know what is in store for me in the future. The warm breeze of summer beckons me and leads me to wonder where I will be, who I am, and who I want to be. The song of the road, the chimes and the breeze seem to call to me. And yet I have not found an answer or lyrics to this song. And so I sit, contemplating my navel, waiting for that elusive sign to tell me. I'm listening to the summer wind, but it's not talking, at least to me, for now.

The Pious Man and the Atheist

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.So one day, deep in prayer as usual, the pious man raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above...

"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"