Hymns by Word Association

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out, "Cross!" Immediately the congregation started singing, in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross."

The pastor hollered out, "Grace!" The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound..."

The pastor said, "Power." The congregation sang "There Is Power in the Blood." The Pastor said, "Sex." The congregation fell in total silence. Everyone was in shock.

They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "Precious Memories."

Saint Who? Paddy What?

What is all the fuss about? Green beer and green rivers. Why does everyone want to be Irish? Me I could care less. Other than the opportunity to drink a bunch of beer and eat corned beef etc, big deal. Yeah, I'll drink a few beers with ya but I don't care if the beer is green. People wear green so they won't get pinched. Pinch me and somebody is libel to get slugged.

I lost the joy of being "Irish" for a day a long time ago. My ex-husband was what I liked to call a "Professinal" Irishman. He insisted that we all wear green. He was downright nasty if we didn't. He had an "Irish" temper too which we all bore the brunt of on occasion. Too many occasions to suit me. Even though his last name was an obvious one, his family did not come from Ireland. Mine lived in Ireland at one point though, before they moved on to Scotland and France.

Didn't St. Patrick chase snakes out of Ireland? Ok. What about the guys who do rattlesnake roundups here? Why don't we have a party for them? What color should we make the beer?

So to all the "Irish" I say "Top O the Morning" to ya. But I'd rather wear a Scottish kilt thank you.

When Sex in the City Meets Wild Kingdom

They walked into the room. Candles were lit giving the room a warm glow as they shimmered on the bar. Bath water had been drawn and was shining with bubble bath. Red rose petals were scattered on the bed. Champagne was chilling in a silver bucket.Soft music played in the background. Everything was perfectly set for the lovers tryst.

His strong arms engulfed her as he kissed her ruby red lips. Piece by piece their clothes fell to the floor. The lovers were oblivious to anything but each other. As they sipped their champagne they gazed longingly into each others' eyes. Their caressing touches fueled the fires of their passion. After the last drops of the champagne were finished they stretched out their naked bodies on the golden colored satin sheets. So sensuous they felt.The lovers joined their bodies in hot passionate love which consumed them both. Nothing would stop their pulse pounding love-making. Hours faded away as they caressed every inch of their bodies as they pleasured each other.

Unnoticed by the lovers were the others. In the heat of the lovers passion the audience awaited patiently for them to finish. The audience looked at each other as if to say, "If we did that they'd be mad." The three dogs just sat there,careful not to give themselves away. After all it was better than watching re-runs of "lassie". Finally. The lovers were spent. They could do no more. It was then the couple noticed the audience. Quickly the dogs discussed the lovers dance. Len, the old, grouchy dog, Carrie Ann, the young free-spirited one and Bruno, technical minded, but funny put their heads together. Finally they had come up with their scores. They eat help up their signs with the scores. Carrie Ann "10", Bruno "10", Len "9". Total score - 29 out of 30. A gold metal performance of the dance of love. After the scores were revealed, as if on cue, the dogs jumped of the bed and ran back into the living room. They grabbed some dog food and ran back to their rightful dog places in the quiet of the late night. Carrie Ann climbed into to her chair, Bruno jumped onto the sofa and Len the old grouch crawled into his spot and covered up so no one would see him. All is well.

Just Another Day of What the Hell...??

Child care can be fun or it can be exasperating on any given day. Sometimes the kids say or do things that make you think or snicker at their logic. Then there are the tv programs which entertain the kids and sometimes annoy adults. PBS has some very good cartoons which cleverly teach words, colors, numbers, reading and math concepts. There are other channels which feature cartoons with interesting music. I wonder how many parents know that some of that music is classical. Chopin would be so proud.

I've long since gotten over Sponge Bob though I still don't understand the concept of a talking sponge wearing clothes who lives under the sea and his friend Patrick. Then there is the "Barnyard" cartoon which I had to look at several times to make sure I saw what I saw. I realize that television programing for children can take a stretch of the imagination for adults to watch but... So there is this family of cattle complete with parents and children. They are just like any average family. Mothers take care of children, run the home and teach the children while dads go off to do the manly jobs. But why do both the "lady" cattle and the "men" cattle have udders? I had to stop what I was doing to make sure I had not missed something. But the kids don't seem to mind at all. I, on the other hand find it a bit disconcerting to see a "cow" with a male voice doing chores.

Then there are on some channels the frequent commercials trying to sell mom or dad on the latest toys for the kids. I remember when all dolls did was just, well nothing. You posed them and changed their clothes or brushed their hair. Some dolls had houses and furniture. I played for hours with my doll house. Then came the baby dolls that talked. They still sound weird to me, even now. Oh but toy makers and children wanted more. So they made dolls that had to be fed. So where did all that stuff go after the kid fed the doll forty-seven times a day? Guess what? Next we have to have the baby pee and poop so they have to have a diaper change. How many mothers have bought extra diapers for those dolls?

But the real what the Hell moment is when I discovered Barbie had a dog that she has to potty train. Huh?? I saw a commercial which had a cute little doggie lifting his leg on a little "pad". There was even a little "pee" which wet the training pad. But wait, the puppy has to be trained to poop on the pad too. Oh joy! When I saw that commercial I did not know if I should cringe in disgust or laugh at the thought of a young child "potty training" a toy. And just how much does this little "gotta have" toy cost anyway? And what about the extra training pads for when little Fido misses or his human uses them all up in two days. Then what?

What is next on the horizon of popular toys and tv shows for kids? Hey Carly - what will you do when you grow up? "I love you, you love me...". Oh shut up Barney! I need a cup of coffee.