Friday, September 25, 2009

The Re-birth of Me

The last few months have been a roller coaster ride for me. Up and down, over and under, my feelings and thoughts have been on a wild ride. At times it has been easy to feel defeated. Then there have been moments of peace. Those moments which were few have now moved in with me. I think they are here to stay.

Call me crazy. I don't care. A few weeks ago, before I decided to visit Annie, I was sitting in my bedroom in Waco thinking.Too much time on my hands? Some would probably say yes. Me, I was struck by a thought. How I came to this thought I can't really say. This thought, oddly enough, left me with a good feeling. To explain or describe this feeling is difficult at best. It's as if someone spoke to me and said, "You'll be ok, I have a plan for you."

This feeling was spooky to the skeptic in me. The more I thought about it the more I questioned myself. Yet this feeling would not, and has not changed. I know, somehow, there is something out there waiting for just the right time for me. Is it my fertile mind dreaming or it this some sort of an epiphany? I don't know. I can't shake this feeling. I can't explain how or why I have this. How do I explain this to anyone? How do I not sound nutty.?

I've heard that God sometimes speaks to a person's heart. I've never really believed it before now. Trying to explain this hasn't be easy. So Annie suggested I talk with Chris, the Pastor of their church. Well... I'm not sure about that. What good would that do? I'm like, eh? Well, ok. It couldn't hurt, right?

Yesterday I had a meeting with Chris who is a very nice, very young, and very tall man. He and his wife are a nice couple and have two adorable little boys. His wife teaches the women's study group. I've gone a couple of times with Annie and Jason to church. He brings out good thoughts in his sermons. So I thought, what the heck. I'll give it a shot.

I told Chris about what had happened to me and my current, unshakable feeling. I asked him all sorts of questions. He was thoughtful and gave me some insight into things. We talked for over an hour. He listened and offered suggestions. Messages or feelings such as mine can be true. I must continue to listen. Yes, he told me I will be all right. I am in the right place and with continued study and faith, the plan will happen. I must be ready. When will the plan come to fruition? That question will be answered when the time comes. Not my time - His time.

I'm ready. Sling all the arrows you want, throw all the rocks you have. I won't be defeated. I only need patience. My time will come. I have the Power with me.