Thursday, April 10, 2008

I've Heard That Before

Chris Rock's mother Rose has written a parenting book. I haven't read it nor do I know what makes her an authority on parenting but I did see part of an interview with her. She seems like a nice person who raised her children to be good people. Don't we all hope that we can do this?Some of us do a better job than others do. I am always amazed at the parents who have several children and can maintain their sanity. There are always questions. Do we spank or not. Do we ground them or take away something. We we have "the talk" or let someone else tell them the "facts of life"? Some parents even question should they be friends with their kids? Or should they be the parent?

One of the things that Mrs. Rock discussed was the fact that she told her kids that she was their mother, not their friend. I remember that statement very well because that is what my mother told me. She was there to set the rules and teach me to become a good adult. We were not going to dress alike or were we going to like the same things. Sometimes I felt she did not understand me. Did I need a friend or a parent? Maybe I needed a little of both. Some times we all do.

I do think the statement, "I'm your mother, not your friend" is important. Of course when I said that to my kids, I was the meanest mother on the planet! At the time they did not always understand why. Parents must make unpopular decisions and listen to a few doors slam. Even the best house rules do not always work. But one thing a parent can look forward to is when the children grow up. Then as the parent, you have the fun of saying, "Just wait till you have kids of your own!" When the kids grow up and are on their own things change. Not only do they have to pay their own bills, then they have kids. Some kids actually realize that some of the things they heard as children were right. Suddenly,when they have grown up they can see why their parents were not their friends when they were kids. As adults they can be friends with their parents. Then you hear," Mom, this kid is driving me nuts!" Stay strong and be the mother. Friendship comes later.

5 comments:

quilly said...

As a teacher I can't tell you how many parents don't parent. In Vegas it was rare when I found one who did. Here in Hawaii the trend is just starting. I think it is one they could well do without emulating.

Dr.John said...

As a parent I just tried to love them and help them become good people. All three have turned out well. Praise God.

bettygram said...

I was the parent but now I am the friend, and it is nice.

cube said...

Well said. That's how we deal with our kids. We're the parents. They don't always like our rules, but, for the most part, they must follow them. I look forward to the day when they are mature enough to understand our rationale.

pineapple said...

when I was growing up, my mother was NOT my friend. If she had been my friend I would have been able to do whatever I wanted. She was always my mom. Now that I have grown up we are friends, but that doesn't stop her from giving me a swift kick in the ass when I need it.