Bullies Among Us

More and more every day we hear about bullying in schools. We wonder why children are so mean to each other. What sets a child on the road to becoming a bully. What makes this child feel that he or she has to intimidate other kids? Is something lacking in this child's homelife? Do the parents bully each other? What can parents do to help their children? Are parents part of the problem?

When I was in school kids seemed to like to make fun of me. I guess this could be considered bullying. I was a small child who wore glasses, had buck teeth and my last name rhymed with "tomater". So you can just imagine the words and laughter I heard. Many times I cried because I felt hurt by these kids. None of this was physical, but the words stung just as much. What did my parents tell me? They suggested that I either laugh with them or just ignore what they said. As a shy child this was hard to do. In one form or another this went on even in to high school. As a sophomore, two football players in my English class made fun of me by calling me Oswald because of the books I chose to read for book reports. I knew that the teacher would give better grades if the students chose harder, classic books like "Ivanhoe" or "Wuthering Heights".As a teen this bothered me even more than it did in grammer school. I was sick to my stomach every morning. What did my parents say? The same thing they said before or find something in common with them that we could talk about with each other. It was hard for me to get up the courage to laugh at their comments and even harder to try to talk to them. But eventually I did because I never let on what I really felt and learned to focus on them instead.

My older daughter had a run in with a girl in high school. She was frustrated in much the same way I was. I suggested, as my parents did, to laugh with the other girl. I told her that if that girl knew she wasn't going to fall into the trap she would probably stop because the game was over. It worked. They became friends.

Some how parents have to take more notice of what kids are doing. It is worse today than it was when I was in school. Not only do kids bully in person they can do it from cyberspace and on the phone. Why is it so hard for parents and kids to talk to each other? People are not always going to get along or even like each other. But they will have to get along. Parents can help. But maybe they need to learn how. It is not hard. Pay attention, listen, speak, help.