Fall Has Fell - Maybe

We all woke up this morning to a cool breeze. Obviously the cool front has now arrived. It should be nice around here for a few days. Then toward the end of the week it will be back up to the warmer temperatures again. Gotta love it. This kind of weather keeps you guessing about what to wear each day.

This weather also made Annie and me think of stew. So we put some stew meat in the crock pot. Hopefully we'll make enough to put some in the freezer later. Throwing stuff into the crock pot is not hard. Now yesterday was a time consuming candy time. Annie made peanut butter cups. That takes a little time to make the peanut butter balls and melt the chocolate. Pouring it over the balls can be a little interesting too. But we did it.

Now that Fall is officially here, it's time to say good bye to Astros manager Cecil Cooper and good bye to the Astros chances to get into the playoffs again. I'm surprised that Cooper lasted as long as he did. There many people who wanted him fired earlier in the season. All things considered,
I feel a little like singing "They're breaking up that old gang of mine..." Next year could see a different Astros team.

Now we can move on to the real sport of fall, football. I was not happy with the Texans first game which they lost. I was a little worried during the second, but they came through in a street fighting style. That will teach the Titans to start a brawl with us. I hope we'll continue to improve. My college teams are doing well. Texas is #2 and Alabama is #3. I find these high rankings a little worrisome since it is still early in the season. One loss could ruin chances for a national championship. We shall see.

I'm looking forward to this fall. Who knows? Maybe this will be a good season for me. Seasons of life change just like the seasons of the weather. I haven't seen much in the way of color yet. The leaves haven't changed yet. But I know that with each season there is a new beginning and new challenges. I'm ready. Of course I have no intention of raking leaves.

How Do You Get To Heaven?

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" The teacher asked the children in his Sunday school class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again the answer was, "NO!""Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.

Once more they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

Well That's One Way To Open A Can

Right now I am smelling the aroma of pot roast as it cooks in the slow cooker.Ummm. I love roast done in a crock pot with veggies. We're gonna eat good tonight.

But there was a small crisis this morning as Annie was putting the ingredients into the pot. Obviously the roast and veggies were easy. Then she got the cream of mushroom soup ready. One can went in easy. Sure you say. How hard can it be to open a soup can? In this case, it was maddeningly difficult.

I'm in the bedroom when I hear Annie call me to the kitchen. Apparently one of the soup cans had an idea that it would not give up it's contents without a fight. When she pulled the tab,instead of opening the can, the ring came off. Guess that can is just wasted. That's what Annie thought. Oh ye of little faith - Mom is here!

Have you ever battled a can? I mean really battled? I asked Annie where the electric can opener was. She pointed to it, but said it didn't do very well. True, as I discovered. Ok. Where is the church key opener? That didn't work either. Let's try a knife - no luck. I did manage to get a small opening but since the soup was thick, it was all but useless. Now, I'm ticked off. No can of soup is going to get the best of me! "Do you have pliers or a screwdriver?" So we get both from the tool chest. I manage to get the hole a little bigger, but not enough. Now I am really irritated. I hate to waste things. So I got the hammer from the tool chest. How could one little can cause so much trouble. The war was on! Ever take a hammer to a soup can? It's not pretty. But a mom on a mission is dangerous! Mountain get out of my way! Ha! after a few less than delicate pounds with the hammer, the can gave up it's contents.

That should teach any can of mushroom soup not to do battle with me! Of course it wasn't pretty. But what war is? I will not be denied. Yeah, it probably would have been easier just to throw the can in the trash. On the other hand I am stubborn when it comes to some things. Just ask any member of my family. Obviously I would not recommend opening a can of mushroom soup this way. It can be messy. Yes, it was an odd way to open the can, but it worked. Now when do we eat?

He Was Going to Get the Family Dog

Eight years ago Christopher C. Newton got on American Airlines Flight 77 to California. He and his family had moved to Ashburn, Virginia so he would not have to travel so much. He was head of Work/Life Benefits which was founded in 1982 to provide work, life training to corporations for their employees. He was educated at California Polytech University and the Anderson School at UCLA. His wife Amy, son Michael and daughter Sarah were happy that he would not have to travel so much.

Christopher Newton was a very private person who loved his family and a good game of golf. He took American Airlines Flight 77 on September 11, 2001 so that he could go back to California to get the family dog. He never made it there. Flight 77 crashed into the Pentagon that fatal morning.

We all, as Americans, remember that day. Many of us watched our televisions as the horror of the attack on our country began. We watched helplessly as the Twin Towers fell. We watched as the Pentagon was breached. We learned of the heroism of passengers who fought off the hijackers and probably saved more lives by crashing the plane in that empty field. We remember. The images are seared into our brains. Let us never forget those 2996 people who lost their lives that day. Let us always remember what this country has stood for and why we must honor these brave people who lost their lives on 9/11/01.

Joint Custody? Of Me?

Annie has wanted me to come visit her at her home for a while now. Since I don't have a car I've had to wait until she had time to come get me. She decided that she would take me when she came back Sunday after the birthday week-end in Houston. From what I understand, blackmail could be an issue after what I heard and saw about the party. Ahem, we shall just leave it at that.

An interesting thought crossed my mind due to something Annie said to Traci. Granted it was a little odd but, this is my family. Most of the time we think of joint custody as between divorced parents with kids. Mom usually has the kids most of the time and dad has them for a time.We've all known someone in that situation. For some reason I found it funny when Annie spoke to Traci about me going home with Annie. I guess it now can be said that Traci and Annie share "joint custody" of me. Huh? Well, it could be thought of in that way. I'll be here with Annie for a few weeks. Then I'll go back to Traci's...

Oh yeah, apparently someone even mentioned "joint custody" to my son Pat. Alas, he has no room for his dear, darling, demented mother. That's ok Patrick. I know what is important to you. Snicker...

Joint custody of me - what a concept. Then again, this could get interesting. Bobby said he would miss me. Guess he'll miss talking to me. And oh dear, Aryn cried and cried when we left. Brad and Aryn didn't want the dogs to go. Sigh. Wonder what Skylar and Michael will do when I go back to Waco. I am reminded of when the kids were growing up. Maybe I should start plotting to get Annie and Traci against each other?? Shades of when they were in their father's custody. Be still my evil heart. Payback? Who me?

With Apologies to Secretary Clinton

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. In heaven, they found God sitting on the great, white throne.

He addressed Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replied, "Well, I believe I won the election in 2000, but it was your will that I did not serve. I've come to understand that now."

God thought for a second and said, "Very good. Come and sit at my left."

God then addressed Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replied, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."

Again, God thought for a second and then said, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right."

God then turned to Hillary and asked, "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

She replied, "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

Shut In, Shut Out, Forgotten

How many people do you speak to on a daily basis? Sure you speak to your family, friends and co-workers. You probably speak to your neighbors on either side of your house. You wave to them as you leave or come home from work. But what about that old lady down the street? Do you know anything about her? Have you noticed that she rarely gets out? Does she even have a way to get out?

We are so caught up in our daily lives that we may not even think of the people we don't see often. They may not live near you, but they are there. One day you could be one of them. These are the people who for any number of reasons could be called shut ins or maybe even forgotten. Maybe through no fault of their own, they are single, widowed, or divorced and have no-one to turn to in a time of need. Maybe they are poor and hungry. Maybe the only contact with the outside world for them is the people from Meals on Wheels who bring them food. Just imagine that the only human contact you have is a person bringing you a meal. On the other hand, maybe they don't need the Meals on Wheels program. Maybe they have a neighbor or relative who occasionally stops by to take them to buy groceries or just to walk the mall. Imagine how good that must feel, just to get away from the confines of those four walls, even if only for an hour or two.

There are a lot of people who are alone. They are not all old or shut in. Some feel shut out because it seems that nobody cares. No one seems to want to take the time to stop by and say "Hello". How much would it cost to stop by and ask, "Do you need anything? Can I take you somewhere?" or even just "How are you today?".

Some day we will all be alone. Some of us will have family that we can depend on for help, love and security. Some of us will not have that luxury. Some will not know where to go or who to call. Yes, there are outreach programs thanks to some religious or state and local governments. Still, some people will either not know how to reach for help or will be too proud to ask for help.

Remember when you know someone who is alone, or see someone who is alone, that could be you. Give them a smile, or a helping hand now and then. Talk to them. Don't let them be shut in, shut out, or forgotten.

Odds & Ends, In and Out

It is hard to believe I've been here almost 6 months.

Happy 14th birthday to my granddaughter Cheyanne.

I guess we Astros fans will have to be content to wait 'til next year, again. Have you seen Roy Oswalt's website? He's also on Twitter. Yes, really. I would like to commend another Astro, Aaron Boone. He has been activated and is ready to play, barely 5 months after having open heart surgery. All I can say is- Amazing!

Did you know that there is a Twitter soap opera? It's called "Chicago to Coronado". I guess it had to happen. It even has a black lab as one of the characters.

This week-end should be interesting for some of the family. Traci, Cheyanne, Brad, and Annie are going to Houston for a birthday bash. Annie and Pat, Cheyanne, Amanda and Aryn have birthdays close to each other. Of course Aryn is grounded, yet again, and won't be able to go. That is unless she gets ungrounded. That remains to be seen.

So this week-end it probably will be Bobby, Aryn, and me here by ourselves. I was looking forward to some peace and quiet, but with the "Drama Queen" under house arrest I don't know how much "quiet" we will have.

I've been waiting for some inspiration but I guess it got lost. So, what should I do first? Sneak attack the dogs for a bath, or go play on Facebook? Hum. Hey Daisy...

Woman vs Phone

Isn't technology grand? First we had rotary phone service, then touch tone. Then came the cordless phones. But things really went wild when the cell phone became the gold standard. I remember when they first came out. They were expensive, big and boxy. Now they fit into the palm of your hand and can do almost anything except cook supper.Maybe one day we will all be able to dial a number to do that, too.

I've recently had to change phones. I had an old flip phone from Sanyo that I have had for years. I first got a cell phone when I went to Phoenix to be with my daughter Annie when she was about to have Skylar who is now seven. It was plain but useful. It took pictures and I could read e-mails, and text. I rarely used these features though. Why do you text on a phone anyway? For me it takes longer to find the right keys to text than it does to talk to a warm body on the other end of the phone.

Now I have a Smart Phone. Annie and Jason decided to let me use Jason's phone since he really doesn't use it. This is going to take some time for me to get used to this phone. It took me a while just to figure out how to answer it. So this is the way it is going to be, huh? Smart Woman vs Smart Phone? Smart Woman? Ok, you can stop laughing now. I haven't really paid attention to the changes in phones over the last few years so give me a break.

So now I have a phone which came with three manuals. One, the "Getting Started Guide", one the "Welcome to Sprint" and one called "Experience Sprint Power Vision". The last two manuals are still in their sealed wrappers having never been opened.This is in addition to a Desktop Software HotSync Manager User Guide. Huh? What? And let us not forget the Sync cord and some other tiny cord whose use I have forgotten. I did figure out how to plug the power cord into the wall so I can charge the phone.

Then I look at the top of the box with it's picture of the phone. The caption on the box says - "Make today extraordinary with this magical device. Instantly beam email, pictures...right to the palm of your hand...That's life at Sprint Speed." Sure it is. I finally sent a text out this morning. I forgot the keyboard is qwerty so I spent time trying to find the letters. I was still used to my old phone. I still say it is so much easier just to say "Hello".

So let's see, what shall I do now? Camera, camcorder, documents, downloads, emails, maps, messaging, video, even life tv are all at my fingertips. I can see downloading ring tones maybe or maps. I guess it would be a good idea to be able to create and send a document. I really don't know about watching video or tv on a cell phone like this. Just imagine watching tv and the actor's nose fills the entire screen. And to think that we went to the moon with much less technology.

Maybe one day I might actually figure this whole phone out. Everyone else seems to have no trouble doing all sorts of stuff with their phones.I still don't get why people sit in the same room, even on the same sofa, and text each other but that's another story. Well it does give me something to play with during the day. Yes ,sir there will come a day when I will be able to say that in the battle of the Smart Woman vs the Smart Phone, the Smart Woman won. Wait a minute the phone is ringing, now what do I do? Hey, I thought I told you to stop laughing!

From Bibles to Boats??

A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid replies, "Yeah, I was one of the best Bible salesman back in Omaha."

The boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You can start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid responds, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

"$101,237.65."

"$101,237.65? Holy Mother Mary! What did you sell to him?"

"First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium fish hook. Then, I sold him a larger fish hook. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then, he said he didn't think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4x4 truck with all the bells and whistles."

"A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?!"

"No, the guy came in here to buy feminine products for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot. You should go fishing.'"

Blessing a Body...?

A newly ordained deacon was asked to hold a graveside service for someone with no family or friends. It was his first official assignment, so he eagerly agreed.

Taking his duties very seriously, the deacon let early the next morning for the cemetery. However, he made several wrong turns and quickly got himself lost. When he finally arrived more than an hour late, the hearse was nowhere to be seen and the two workmen were eating lunch.

The deacon got out of his car, quickly threw on his vestments, and hurried to the open grave. Looking into the pit, he saw that the vault lid was already in place. With a sign, he took out his prayer book and read the burial service.

After he had left, one of the workmen said to the other, “Maybe we should have told him he just blessed a septic tank.”

Bench Warmer, or First String?

Sometimes life is like a game. Players are benched or traded for various reasons. The Astros just traded Ivan Rodriguez to the Rangers. He can now say, "gee this place looks familiar" when he arrives at the park. I see that Bret Favre has decided to un-retire again. Will he ever learn? Too bad, now the Texans won't get the game they wanted which would have had quarterback Matt Schaub against former backup Sage Rosenfels. Rosenfels was hoping to be the first string QB with the Vikings. He and Tarvaris Jackson were competing for the top spot. Now they will have to sit and wait for Favre to be benched or injured.

I have a great deal of empathy for those wonderful bench warmers who just sit and wait for their chance. Sometimes they get it, other times they get traded and still wait. Whether it be a young,eager player waiting to show what he can do, or a wily,old veteran hoping for one last chance for glory, they sit. They dream of what could be or what could have been.

Brian McTaggart, the Houston Astros blogger said he just talked to "Pudge". Rodriguez is sad to leave the Astros but is excited to go to the Rangers who have a chance to get into the playoffs.

Too bad that in the game of life we don't always get the chance to play or even just be able to be a bench warmer. Maybe we need to talk to our agents and tell them we're not happy on the bench. We've still got some pop in our bat. Surely we could be of use to some team? Where's the manager? Where's that high paid agent? What's that? The telephone? I'm a free agent? No? I've been traded? Well...Put me in coach, I'm ready to play. All I need is the bat and the glove...We're only 10.5 games out of first place? Oh...well, let's get out there and play some ball. This is the game of life, right?

Gunfight at the OK Corral, Sort of...

Yesterday was one of those days you would rather forget. As I told a friend last night, "gonna be a two glasses of wine night". It is a bit quieter today. Of course the reason why is that Aryn is now grounded and has to do chores as punishment. How does one little girl get into so much trouble? And yet she continues to argue...Boy her mother was mad! And then when her dad came home so was he! At this rate she will be grounded until she is 21.

But the real fight started while Brad was at the desk playing on the computer. Daisy and Sammie were both at his feet. For some unknown reason Lady had chosen not to join the other two there. But Spots, the cat, decided to stir up trouble. And when I say trouble, that is with a T. Somehow he managed to do some smack talking to the dogs. Then the next thing I hear is growling and yelping. This went on for a while before Traci and I could get the situation under control. Of course the cat who instigated the whole thing walks away completely unscathed. We get the dogs separated. I grab Sammie and pull her to the back door. Out the door she went.I though briefly about laying a smack-down on her. But it wouldn't have meant anything to her. Then I had to get Daisy calmed down and checked for injuries. Daisy was one shook up dog, but apparently none the worse for wear. So where did the cat go? He jumped onto one of the dining chairs and just looked at us all with "What's your problem?" look. Daisy stayed very close to me for the rest of the day and night. I still can't believe that Lady chose not to get into the fray.

Yes, it was a nerve-wracking day. A good excuse to have an extra glass of wine. At least the Astros won last night. It's hard to believe there are only about 50 games left in the season. One good thing did happen, I got the box of mail, finally along with another phone which I am now trying to learn to use. So now I can scratch the mail off my list. So now it's time to holster the guns or at least retract the cat's claws and let the sleeping dogs lie.

Happy Days are Here Again, Almost

The days dwindle down to a precious few... In less that two weeks school starts here. Summer vacation is almost over. I used to know a morning DJ years ago who would play the song" Happy Days are Here Again" on the first day of school just for the parents. On the last day of school, he played it for the kids. School shopping has been done for the most part.That is a nightmare I would not wish on anyone. Some of us "adult types" are eagerly awaiting August 24th. Peace and quiet will be savored, at least for a few hours a day.

Cheyanne is happy and ready to get back to school. She's a good student and is ready for new challenges in the 8th grade. Brad is not saying much about 3rd grade. Aryn does not want to go to 1st grade. She says so often!

These last few days have been, shall we say, a bit trying. For some reason the last days of summer vacation find the children irritable and annoying. At least it seems so for the younger two. Aryn has complained bitterly that she is bored. Diva that she is, nothing suits her. She complains loudly. When Mom reaches the boiling point "Aryn, go to your room" is heard several times a day. "Brad, stop screeching" is another common statement. Some days I have to remember to "duck and cover" due to the hostilities between children and parents.

Soon chaos will again be the order of the morning. Crabby kids who refused to go to sleep when told, will race through the house to get breakfast, school stuff , and hair fixed. Then they will trot out to the driveway and wait, listening for the wonderful sound of the school bus as it approaches the house. These kids do not know how lucky they are to have curb to curb service. Then for the better part of the day, the house will be relatively quiet. That is until the bus brings them back in the afternoon. Then Mom will be bombarded with papers to sign, homework to supervise and anything else that finds its way home with the kids.

And let us not forget that in just a few days they will be getting back in training. Aryn will, of course, not be happy because she will be the first to take a bath and go to bed. "Why do I have to go first?" will be her question. "You are the youngest, now go!" will be the answer. About a half hour later Brad will have to follow the same ritual. He will have to realize that he can no longer stay up all night and sleep away half the day. Cheyanne as the oldest will be the last to have to go to bed. I think she is the most ready to get all of this going.

Soon another summer will be gone. Sometimes it is hard to believe how fast it goes. The kids will all be in school, football games will be played, some won, some lost. Then time will continue to move on through August, September, November and so on. School days seem to go faster with each year.

But for those of us who will be kid-less for several hours of the day soon, the silence will be golden. "Happy Days are Here Again..."

From a Friend

Inner Peace


If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you anytime,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

And you thought I was going to get all spiritual.

The Summer Wind

I decided to take a break from playing Bejeweled on Facebook and go outside. I sat down on the concrete porch at the back of the house. The first thing I thought about was the news story I saw about snakes moving into downtown Austin. Seems the drought is making the creatures move. I know there could be some around here. Then I look at the newly mowed yard. Bobby mowed last night and also mowed down most of the garden which had all but died due to a lack of water and interest. That was also why I sneezed 14 times last night.

Sitting there by myself I noticed how quiet it was for a Monday afternoon. In the distance I could hear some constant sounds coming from the road by the airport. No planes were flying but cars and trucks were still driving by. No birds were flying around either. Maybe they were trying to keep cool in the shade of the trees. Flies still invaded my privacy. They fought for a place on my hands or my water glass as they buzzed around in search of something to eat. The only obvious sounds were those of the three wind chimes as they swayed in the hot, sultry wind. One wooden one clacked along almost in tune with my two metal ones. My "tacky" palm trees swayed to some unknown tune while my hummingbirds danced around as if they could hear music. Where's "Lola" when you need her? "At the Copa, Copacabana..."

Outside, I could not hear the children inside as they played video games or annoyed their parents with constant questions or problems. As I listened to the wind chimes and the wind wrestle with the tree leaves, I felt the warm, sultry blast of the summer breeze as it swirled around the house.Whenever the wind stopped, I could feel how stagnant the air was without that little breeze.

At that point I found myself thinking about what is next for me. I don't know what is in store for me in the future. The warm breeze of summer beckons me and leads me to wonder where I will be, who I am, and who I want to be. The song of the road, the chimes and the breeze seem to call to me. And yet I have not found an answer or lyrics to this song. And so I sit, contemplating my navel, waiting for that elusive sign to tell me. I'm listening to the summer wind, but it's not talking, at least to me, for now.

The Pious Man and the Atheist

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.So one day, deep in prayer as usual, the pious man raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above...

"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

Me Worry About Asteroids? Nah, I've Got Twitter

From Wired Science:
The Real Twitpocalypse:Asteroid Alerts Come to Twitter

Been looking for a reason to join Twitter, but haven’t been able to quite take the plunge?

Forget Shaq and William Gibson: Alerts about asteroids cruising near Earth have come to Twitter. @AsteroidWatch will let you know any time a space rock gets within a few lunar distances. Much more asteroid info will be distributed via a new NASA/JPL website. (Though if you want to know if a nuke is the best way to stop an asteroid, you’ll still need to come to Wired Science.)

“Most people have a fascination with near-Earth objects,” Don Yeomans, manager of NASA’s Near-Earth Object Program Office at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, said in a press release. “And I have to agree with them. I have studied them for over three decades and I find them to be scientifically fascinating, and a few are potentially hazardous to Earth.”

The recent collision between a comet and Jupiter underscored the very real presence of possibly dangerous space objects in the solar system.

The Twitter feed, @lowflyingrocks, already uses NASA’s raw data to let you know after an asteroid has passed the Earth. But the site tells you about every rock within 0.2 astronomical units — that’s more than 18 million miles — so you get a ton of updates. @AsteroidWatch will be choosier about the near-earth objects it tells you about. Only rocks that come within a scant 750,000 miles or so of Earth will earn a Tweet.

With previous Twitter accounts, NASA employees have created voices for the various robots and machines that the agency operates. Some, like @MarsPhoenix, were cute and cuddly. Perhaps the proper voice for the near earth object warning system will be slightly more urgent and prone to profanity.

Any kind of personality would be an improvement on @lowflyingrock’s robotic language. Its last Tweet went a little something like this: “2007 LL, ~220m-490m in diameter, just passed the Earth at 6km/s, missing by ~twenty-seven million, five hundred thousand km.”

Now Don't You feel better? Twitter is on the job. It will let us know about those dastardly asteroids and save us all. Sure, I'll sleep better tonight. On the other hand maybe I will lay away all night waiting for that fateful tweet. Oh why bother. Wait a minute my Tweet Deck is calling. An asteroid coming? No, just the Astros losing 12-0 to the Cubs.

Just Try to Build an Ark Today, Noah

And lo, in the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but there was no ark.

"Noah! I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."

"I needed a building permit."

"I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision."

"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls, but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work."

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience.

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

Do You Want Some Toothpaste, Cat?

I discovered that my day would probably not go well this morning. How? After I finished my coffee I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I turned the light on, I discovered the cat had taken up residence in the sink. "Spots" better known as Sneezy was lounging in the sink. He was turned toward the mirror. I guess he wanted to admire himself by looking in the mirror. As I walked in he looked back at me with a "What the Hell do you want" look. How rude was I to interrupt this feline.

Thankfully the bathroom has two sinks. He would not have been very happy to be unceremoniously dumped from his place in the cool shiny sink. He was secure with the knowledge that I was not going to use "his" sink. I turned on the water in the other sink. He slowly turned his head as if to tell me that I had better not even think of splashing him. I wouldn't do that. That is unless I could get away with it. After all, just how many times have I been sneezed on? As I opened the toothpaste, he rose up a little as if he needed to check it out. He then apparently thought better of it and went back to admiring himself in the mirror.

The whole time I was in there I wondered. What was he thinking? Did he want some toothpaste? Was there something he wanted me to do for him? That is besides get out of his way. Later he decided to abandon his quiet spot. Probably a good idea since Aryn had decided to get up and start bouncing around the house. As he decided to head for the front door, I didn't blame him. Next time bring your own toothbrush, cat!

Texas Board of Education?

Ben Sargent

I Am Not a Good Passenger

For me going anywhere in a car with someone else driving is a trial. No, make that a nightmare, just for me. I hate being a passenger. I never like riding with my kids or any one else. If I drive I'm ok. But let anyone else do the driving and I nearly have a nervous breakdown. I am forever gripping the door or the seat. I hit the "brake" on my side, or I push on the dashboard. I always think they are going too fast or following too closely.

Once before Annie's wedding she, Traci and I went to Houston to shop. Traci had rented a little car. It was one that you could pull down part of the back seat and reach the trunk. During this trip as Traci drove all over the Houston freeways I threatened to climb into the trunk. She was only switching lanes to get to the other side. uh huh.

A few years later I rode with Annie and Jason as he drove all over Phoenix. I wore out my "brake". I kept looking out the side window so I would not have to see what was in front. I even closed my eyes. It didn't help. I think I left fingerprints on the arm of the door, too.

Amanda always seemed to drive too fast. Guess it was just me. She also waited until the last second to slow down or brake. So, I usually rode in the back seat. That way I did not have to look as she sped along or talked (texted) while driving. Even her daddy complained that I was much too nervous. He threatened to make me wear blinders.

So in the last couple of days I have been to town here in Waco with Traci and today with the neighbor Leigh Ann. I'm still shaking. When Traci and I went out she flew down the streets. Well that was not too bad until she came to the BIG hill. She flew down it and I expected to be airborne at any moment. Straight DOWN! Yikes! It took me ten minutes for my heart to stop pounding.

Then today Leigh Ann and I went out to see if I can get a new ID card. Her mother said the place we needed to go was at one place. Nope, some where else it was. So I get yet another turn at being the lunatic passenger. She races down the streets. She follows the cars ahead of her way too closely for my taste. She runs the streets, twists and turns, stops inches from the cars in front.Once again I am "braking", grabbing on to the dash, door arm or seat. I try to appear calm. Oh and on top of this we got lost because her mother told us the wrong directions! We go all over Waco and I sit there attempting to look calm and assertive. It works for Cesar Milan with dogs, but not me.

Because I found out I need more ID proof before I can get a new ID, I have to go through this driving insanity again. Nothing is simple for me these days.A few simple errands and I feel like I've been in the middle of a movie car chase seen. Remember the "Italian Job"? Anyone got any Valium?

Read the Fine Print

This should be basic information to any casual observer. Read the fine print before you sign anything, right? Duh! But how many people really do this? It never ceases to amaze me that people see a great offer for something and sign up for it. Then the bill for that great offer comes. Ouch! Why is this bill $300! You did not read the fine print. They didn't tell you about the equipment fees, or the installation fees? Or how about the service charge? I know people who never read instructions. Buy an easy to put together tv cabinet from WalMart. Who needs to read the instructions? Why does that cabinet look weird? Could it be that you didn't read all the instructions and yes maybe those extra pieces have a purpose.Oh and don't forget that when you get a great deal on tv, internet and phone service, there's a catch to that great deal. It's called the charges you didn't read in the fine print. Oops, that $90 deal is suddenly a lot more. Why? Read.

We all look for bargains, especially these days. We clip coupons, we compare prices, we even buy in bulk to save money. Yeah that new flat screen tv was a great bargain, wasn't it? What about all the extra cables, etc you had to buy? Huh? Pay attention next time, you might save some money.

This message is not brought to you by the Ad Council of America.

Long Distance Calls

Sorry - I couldn't resist this. After all I am from Texas!

A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and worked east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued by a sign which read: "$10,000 a minute." Seeking out the Pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The Pastor explained that the golden phone was, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he paid the price he could talk directly to God. The man thanked the Pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, San Diego, Chicago, Greensboro, Tampa and all around the United States, he found more phones with the same sign and got the same answer from each Pastor.

Finally, he arrived in Texas. Upon entering a church in Dallas, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the Pastor.

"Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone. I have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 35 cents. Why?"

The Pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in Texas now... It's a local call."

Three Socks?

I see a lot of things in this neighborhood. There are still new houses going up everyday. I think the houses near us are just about finished. But there is still a lot of junk around these sites. Daisy loves to inspect these areas. Who knows what we'll find ?

Then there are the three socks. Not two, not four but three socks which are lying on the neighbor's driveway. They have been there for several days now. Why has nobody picked them up? There are a truck and a car which inhabit the driveway. Yet no-one seems to want to do anything about these poor, abandoned socks. Alas, they remain in the middle of the driveway. They have had the sun beat down on the and the rain pelt them. That is when it has rained. The vehicles have run over them numerous times.

To whom do these socks belong? Good question. And why three? Is there a three legged monster living next door? Well, I wonder, I know there are two teenage boys who live there. How come these poor socks have not been put out of their misery? Is anyone going to even claim them? Would you? I'm thinking somewhere a mother is doing the laundry and wondering what happened to all the socks. I know where three of them are.

Sorry Mr Gore...

The True Origin of the Internet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com.'

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

"YAHOO," said Abraham.

And that is how it all began. It wasn't Al Gore after all.

Happy 4th of July

This day always reminds me of my grandfather's birthday. When I was a kid we would always travel to New Jersey to visit him and some of my aunts, uncles and cousins. My grandfather was born on the 4th of July and my mother's birthday was the 5th. We always had a big party in Grandpa's basement.

It was years later that I learned that he ran away from Germany when he was a teen. He came in through Ellis Island. After lying about his age,he joined the Marines. It took years for them to discover that he was not the age he said he was. He spend 44 years in the Marines serving his adopted country. When he retired he held the rank of Captain. One of these days I hope to go back to Arlington so that I can see his headstone. He was buried there at Arlington National Cemetery. He had a full military detail, complete with a horse drawn caisson and honor guards. My cousins and I, while riding in the limo, were surprised when the other funeral details had to stop and salute.

This is the day we asserted our independence from England. Looking back at those times in history, I marvel at the efforts of those brave men who crafted this historic document which set this country on the path of freedom. To this day there are still those among us who are willing to give their lives to insure that we can always say "Let Freedom Ring". Happy 4th of July to us all.

Put the Phone Down Now!

When are people going to realize that most of us are not gifted enough to text and drive at the same time? Of course some of us can't walk and chew gum at the same time, but anyway...

Texas linebacker Sergio Kindle was treated for a concussion after crashing his car into an Austin apartment building last week while he was either sending or receiving a text message, his attorney said Monday.

Kindle’s attorney, Brian Roark, said Kindle lost control of the car on June 24 while looking at the message.

“It was probably something he should not have been doing,” Roark said. Gee, I could have told him that!

The crash caused about $8,700 damage and no one inside was hurt. After the crash, Kindle pushed the car back into the street and went home. He was checked by team doctors and told he had a concussion but did not have to be hospitalized.

University spokesman John Bianco said Kindle told his coaches about the accident the next morning.

“We’re glad nobody else was hurt and he’s going to be fine,” Bianco said.

Police Cpl. Scott Perry said police are still investigating but no charges have been filed. Perry said police have not talked to Kindle or Roark.

Because Kindle hit a stationary object and did not injure anyone else, he is only required to file a report with the Texas Department of Transportation, Roark said, adding he planned to file it as early as Monday.

Roark said Kindle would pay for the damages himself or through insurance if it is covered.

Guess this gives new meaning to the phrase "Hook em Horns".

Can I Order a Little Rain?

This morning I went out to put the hose to the garden before it all dies with heat stroke. A little while ago I looked out the back windows and saw a dark cloud in the distance. I wondered... The wind kicked up, blowing our little trees around. What's that noise? Oh wait, that is thunder. I remember that noise. Probably nothing will come of the little cloud.

Traci told Aryn to go outside and look at the clouds. "It might rain" she told Aryn. Upon hearing that, Aryn began to pout and whine. Why did she do this? She was upset because the rain would cut off the satellite and she would not be able to watch "Max and Ruby". Some kind of cartoon show, I guess. She was not the least bit interested in the fact that we have had no rain in a long time and it has be very hot and dry here. It did not bother her that the grass has turned brown and everything is wilting, including all of us.

Personally, I am hoping for a good, big storm with a lot of rain. Of course I think the whole state of Texas is hoping for rain too. Maybe we should all go outside and do a rain dance. When I walked out to the front of the house I looked at the sky. As I looked down the street in one direction the sky was blue. In the other direction, the sky was deeply dark and threatening. I have not seen clouds that dark in a while. The thunder rolls on, reminding me of who is in charge. Not me. As the thunder in the sky continues we all have crossed fingers and wish for some rain. Hey Buddy, can you spare a little rain? Please.

A Girl and Her Dolls

Aryn has a wonderful imagination. She can make up some interesting little tales. All her dolls have stories too. They all have names and do different things. Some have short hair, others have long hair. One even lights up with a blue light in her torso and a red one on her legs. That is a little strange on some levels to me. But what do I know? And when she gathers them up to play with them, not one doll has clothes on. Why? What is it with girls and dolls? Why do theses Barbie dolls never seem to have any clothes on, not even the Ken doll. I asked her the other day why, but she really couldn't say other than Ken's clothes were somewhere in her sister's room. Ok, fair enough. As she played with a couple of the dolls she put different outfits on the and told me different stories of what they were doing. Then she decided to hunt down something for the Ken doll to wear. She only found a shirt. Well, it was a start.

Aryn sat on the living room floor playing with her dolls for quite a while. I still don't understand why one has those lights in the torso and legs. Aryn made up various scenes with all her dolls. Changing clothes and hair styles and telling the dolls what to do kept Aryn busy. Then she took the dolls clothes off again. One of the she played with was "naked dancer Barbie" she told me. As she was telling me this she was pulling the poor doll's leg right out of the socket. I told her that if she did not stop pulling the dolls leg she would have to have a hip replacement soon. But Aryn kept on with her story of the "naked dancer Barbie". Me, being the smart ass, told Aryn that the doll was going to get into trouble for dancing "naked" and could be arrested. She told me not to worry because there were no "cop" dolls there. I guess, half naked Ken was not a "cop" doll. At that point I figured I had been bested by a 6 year old so I should just leave it alone. So much for child's play.

New Sheriff in Town (For the Day)

Pay attention kids, Grandma is in charge today. There will be no whines, fights, buts, whys or anything else that you usually do. Mom is having dental surgery this morning and will be unavailable for supervision today. I know you will be fine as will your mother. Just remember I don't fall for the tricks you pull. Don't ask why, if I say no. Don't screech at each other or argue over the tv or computer.

When your mother gets home she will not be feeling well. Do not bother her. And no, you can not have the pudding. This is not my first rodeo, so don't try to fool me. Today is your chance to make your parents proud. Now sit down and be quiet! Yes you may watch your movie later. If you are really good your mom will take you to see the new "Transformers" movie in a couple of days. Be good today, all day! I know you can!

Time Spent, Not Necessarily Well

I've spent a good portion of the day listening to some jazz vocals on the Yahoo Launchcast. As Bobby said I was "jamming". As I took a break, Traci was ready to watch "Jon and Kate..." I don't know why people want to watch this. Traci and Annie do. Of course tonight was the "big announcement". Big deal. I don't watch the show, and I knew what was going to happen. But Traci had to lock in to it. The suspense was cutting the air. Well I guess for fans of the show it was. They blathered on and on about their problems and what they both planned to do. "Get on with it!" I said. My husband did not take that long to tell me! And that reminds me, I guess he still has not sent my mail even after Annie asked him about it. He forgot and that was nearly two weeks ago. And how come Kate never seems to wear shoes during her interviews?

I spent about 45 minutes watching Jon and Kate explain the reasons for the unsaid decision. Finally, they said what anyone with half a brain already knew. Who cares? So that is nearly an hour of my life that I will never get back. Jeez.

Now I have another fly visiting me. I finally got the other one. Look out dude. One swipe of my hand and you're dead meat.

If anyone has an extra $10 million or so there is a beach house in Malibu for sale. Barry Manilow is supposed to be selling his. I saw pictures of it. Where's the beach dude?

I'm seriously thinking of moving into the freezer. The Waco area is getting hotter by the minute. Temperatures over 100 will soon be common. Isn't it a bit early for it to be this hot? It's hot in Houston too. I talked to a gal in Tulsa, same story. My friend "Pineapple" who lives in Austin says it will be 100+ all week.

Well I guess tomorrow I'll have to dig through some more boxes in the garage to look for som elusive information for the Tx Atty General's office. They can't seem to find any information on the child support from the first ex without 15 different numbers. How do they get anything done? Then I guess I'll have to send another e-mail to the idiots in New Hampshire to re-tell them my address since my current semi-husband seems to be stuck on who know what cause he still can't seem figure out how to send a package in the mail.

There certainly has been a lot of my time spent trying to get things done. Yet nothing gets done. Yeah, time spent but not necessarily well. And to think I actually watched Jon and Kate talk and talk, yawn. No wonder David Suskind said television was a "vast wasteland".

PETA vs Obama

I wish I could refrain from commenting on PETA but...WTF! Come on guys, it takes talent to swat a fly. I should know, I've become quite annoyed at the flies who like to visit me while I'm online. Come here little fly (evil grin), smack! Missed again!

From the AP-- The group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants the flyswatter-in-chief to try taking a more humane attitude the next time he's bedeviled by a fly in the White House.

PETA is sending President Barack Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher, a device that allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside.

"We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals," PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich said Wednesday. "We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals."

During an interview for CNBC at the White House on Tuesday, a fly intruded on Obama's conversation with correspondent John Harwood.

Compassion? Not around here.

Do Cats Go To Heaven?

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."

The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."

God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."

God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"

The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

You Woke Me Up for This?

Last night I was sound asleep when I suddenly realized that Lady was whimpering. I, at first, thought something was wrong. Then I realized that not only was she whimpering, she was barking too. What are you doing?? So when I checked her out she was a little offended that I had bothered her. Well, come on! A dog whimpering and barking in the middle of the night while under the covers in the bed? Seems a little strange to me. I guess she was having a dream. I've heard her have dreams before. Usually she just whimpers, but this time she was barking...I just hope her dream had a happy ending, right?

Then this morning, I am checking my e-mail while Daisy is lying curled up in the chair. The chair is a small child chair which the child has long since outgrown so Lady and Daisy tend to race to see who can get to it first. As I worked I heard a wagging tail. I thought perhaps that Daisy was wagging her tail for Aryn. Oh no! Daisy was sound asleep. I guess she was dreaming too. It must have been a fun dream. She seemed happy. At least I guessed that since she was wagging her tail.

Must be nice to have nice dreams. Maybe I need to change my diet. Or go to bed later/earlier. I would settle for a nice dream involving George Clooney, or Harrison Ford, or Clive Owen, or Ewan McGregor. I'm not picky.

Family Business

Annie and the boys/dogs left to go home today.The house is a little quieter. I was going to go with them for a visit but I changed my mind. Just imagine two women, two children, and four dogs in a small car on a five (or so) hour drive. Annie's two dogs are lab puppies and really cute. But they are a little much for Lady and Daisy. I, therefore took the coward's way out and told her I'd come visit with her later.

Last night while Traci and Annie were playing Warcraft in the kitchen Bobby and I were looking for something to watch on tv. So he turned to IFC (the Independent Film Channel). He stopped on a 1996 movie "Crash" which had been on for about an hour. He told me it was a "twisted" movie. We watched. He was right. Who wants to crash a car and then have sex in it? Very strange, even stranger considering I watched this with my son in law... Yikes.

Then this afternoon Bobby's father came by. He sat and talked to the grandkids. Traci sat in the kitchen. Should I sit down and chat? What to do. But, he left to get Bobby who had dropped his car off to get new tires. Problem solved, I guess, for now. When I first separated from Jimmy, Bobby laughed that his father and I could get together (Ha, not laughing). Bobby's mother died a while back so his dad is alone. No thanks. No way. That would make an odd joke. I could be Bobby's mother in law and stepmother all in one. No thank you! Glad it was only a joke.

Now, I'm off to see if the green beans I blanched are cool enough to be put in the freezer. Too bad Traci doesn't care for green beans. There are a lot of them. Now that it is quieter we can try to watch the Astros game tonight. Either that or the grandkids and I will be picking more green beans...

Houston Texans Brought to You by Adult Video?

The NFL has decided to allow teams to have sponsorship messages or logos on their practice jerseys. This apparently is in an effort to increase advertising revenue for the teams. Sounds like an interesting idea. What local Houston business wouldn't like that idea? But an adult video company?

Profootballtalk.com reported that Zero Tolerance Entertainment, which makes and markets adult videos, claims that it has approached the Houston Texans regarding the availability of marketing space.

Last week, the Texans acknowledged that they are seeking to take advantage of the new rule that allows NFL teams to allow corporate logos and/or messages to infiltrate the official team practice jerseys.

In a press release circulated by Scott Stein, the company's director of marketing, Zero Tolerance claimed that an offer involving "several zeros" was made to the Texans.

"Every team in the league starts the season by saying, that they'll have Zero Tolerance for losing," the press release states. "While our offer may not be taken seriously, there is some undeniable synergy between the NFL and the name of our company."

This brings so many odd thoughts to my mind. I wonder what logo would be on the jersey? Would the advertise the latest porn flick? Would they feature the latest "star"? I am sure this is not the only offer the team is considering, right Mr. McNair? Then again, what do I know? It would get people talking about our Houston Texans, right?

As I Tap My Fingers on My Desk...

There are times when I am inpatient. Yes, that is an understatement. On the other hand maybe I'm always impatient - I just hide it well. Yeah right! Where's my mail!

I notified the wonderful USPS to change my address effective May 15th. Since I did this on-line they gleefully took the dollar from my card. Today is June 10,2009. I know this because my PC tells me so when I point my mouse at the time on the tray. So how many days does that make since I changed my address? I have not gotten any of my mail yet. Well, except for the letter the USPS sent me to tell me I changed my address. I wonder how much the postage for that was? Especially with the junk they stuck in the envelope along with the "conformation" that I might need for some "local agencies and/or resources" for proof of my move. It's no wonder they have no money and keep raising stamp prices... Hey dude - where's my mail?

Add that to the fact that my semi-husband has yet to send me the packet that the New Hampshire collection agency idiots sent to the wrong address. It was on May 29th when he IM'd me about that. Oh, gee, he forgot! Grrr. I guess it's just another perfect example of "out of sight, out of mind". I guess that also goes for the divorce filing, too .

And I still have no clue about a car. Since the one I was supposed to get died... I have not heard any more about that. Yeah I know cars don't just appear out of the blue. But all of this just adds to my frustration and impatience. I find myself sitting at my desk, tapping my fingers as I listen to some Barry Manilow cd's, wondering how much longer I will be able to remain patient. Tap, tap, tap.,tap...

The "Extended" Life of a Commercial

We all decided to watch some movies last night. We started with "Legally Blonde" (I & II) and then we saw that "The Color Purple" was next. We decided to watch that too. It had been a while since I had seen any of these movies. Yeah, let's all kick back, relax and watch them.

Suddenly during "Blonde" we started getting annoyed at all the Quiznos commercials for their "torpedo" sandwich or whatever that thing is. We started making comments. But when it came to the other overly played commercial, we all started to loose control. Over and over we say a commercial for "male enhancement". Enough all ready. Traci got so annoyed that she muted that commercial and started playing one of the "Joe Boxer" commercials on her laptop. Then we started wondering how many times this thing would be repeated. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your point of view) we did not think to count how many times the "enhancing" commercial was on during the first two movies. So then we decided that since "The Color Purple" was a 3 1/2 hour movie we would count them. 15 times that commercial for male enhancement was on during the movie. Talk about extended coverage!

This soon became a running joke. Then we began to wonder how much this company paid for the airtime? Did the extended play get more sales? Do people really buy that stuff? Does it really work?

Then I was told that my son Pat actually ordered a "free sample" of them. Ok, TMI. Of course he did this as a joke. Uh, ok. His big reason was so he could throw them away along some highway near where he lives. Isn't that littering?

Techno-What, Face-Who

More than 40 years ago when computers were still the size of rooms my father told me to learn all I could about them because they were "the future". Why did I not listen?

I've had a pc for years now. At some point I have thought about getting a newer one, if and when I can scrape together the money. But until then I have my trusty Compaq which shows how old it is since the Compaq is now Hewlett Packard. At least as long as I have some techno-savy people in the family my little pc should continue to provide me with connections to my interests.

Ever watch an "animated" baseball game which shows the ball being pitched and a batter at the plate? I guess I could pay the money to really see the game, but why? BTW - keep the wins coming Astros!

I've been reading about the increasing number of people my age who are now tweeting (somehow that sounds odd) or on social network sites like Facebook. A few weeks ago I got on the Twitter wagon. Oops, there goes the Tweet Deck again. I wonder what is going on now? There is an ozone watch in Houston and Chris Cuomo from Good Morning America, is, well, somewhere across the world.

Now I am on Facebook. Oh joy, now what have I gotten myself into. My daughters and granddaughter are all on it. My oldest daughter wondered if she will have to "behave" now? What difference would that make? Who says I behave? This is all a little puzzling to me but I guess I will get used to it. Some day I will look back and wonder why I thought it was so hard.

One thing I have seen on my granddaughter Cheyanne's page is her artwork. She is very talented. Annie and I were looking a several of her sketches. I can only hope she inherited some of that from her great-grandmother. She would be so proud of Cheyanne. Who knew you could do so much with a computer and a lot of patience?

Then I happened to look at the pictures of some of the people I went to high school with. I have yet to stop laughing. Annie said "add them as friends..." I snorted , "Ha, Why? I have nothing in common with them anymore?" Just remembering their names was more than I really wanted.

So my next question is now what?

Flee Fly, Now or Else

This is war! You have already annoyed me no end for the last couple of days. I strongly suggest that you flap your wings and flit on out of here. The wall is not your friend and neither is the window. If you don't start flapping your wings and flip on out of here there will not be enough of you left to flit. You have been flying around here day and night for going on three days now. Don't you have a home to go to? Or are you separated from your flying spouse too? You have been up and down and all around this room. There is a door here, find it and fly away. If you do not figure out how to flee this place you may be forcefully and fiercely flogged until you can no longer fly. That would certainly be a dismal flying, fickle finger of fate now wouldn't it? So a word of warning to which you should take note. Do not continue to buzz. Do not attempt to open the window - flee now while you still can fly!

Replaced by a -Dog?!

Let me see - from "I'd be lost without you" to being replaced by a dog. Well that's interesting to say the least.Who would have thought a wife of more than 20 years could be replaced so easily and with a dog! Of course dogs don't ask many questions, right girls? Yeah just keep wagging those tails. Yes, I still love you So, there's a new dog in town, Rowdy is his name. Hey Lady and Daisy, how do you feel now? Yeah just like me. We've all been replaced by a dog. Amanda got Rowdy for her daddy. Sorry girls, I know you thought that no-one could take your place. So did I. But that's life. You know those guys got to stick together. Yes,Lady you and I got old, some other dog took our places, even you Daisy.What's that? Do I think Rowdy smells your scent on the chair? Probably. Just wait till he has to go out in the rain! That'll show 'em!. Well pups, I guess it's just us girls now. Who needs those guys anyway, right?

Come on dogs. It's not that bad. How do you think I feel? I get dumped, he gets a dog. Where is the justice in that? I get one room, he gets an entire townhouse. I remember when we all thought we'd be together forever. But there is an old saying."absence makes the heart grow fonder...of someone else". Right now you have a nice back yard to play in, remember? And I know you would not want to have to make him choose between Rowdy and us. That wouldn't be fair.

I guess this is the last nail in the coffin of a marriage. Out with the old and in with the new. Even if it is (close your ears Lady and Daisy), just a dog. Guess there is no room left for me or Lady and Daisy. Word of advice Rowdy - don't make him mad. He might dump you too, but hopeful not until he gets a new wife to take your place.

The First Thing We do, Let's Kill All The Lawyers

Shakespeare wrote that in "Henry VI" actually as a tribute to lawyers. Huh? Me, I just want to kill one of those debt collection lawyers.I had been collecting child support from my first ex-husband via a Texas collector. Well, as my luck runs, he stopped paying in March. About the same time I get a notice from this agency that they will no longer handle my case because of financial problems. They referred all cases to a debt collector lawyer group in New Hampshire. Oh, joy. No, make that, Shit! Somebody else I have to fight with. Grrr.

As soon as I learn who now has control of this I sent them an e-mail and asking the usual questions. They promptly responded with the usual and thanked me for my information (including my new address). I nearly choked at their letterhead, part of which read "your satisfaction is our priority". In their correspondence they told me I would be receiving a packet in 7-10 days. I should read the information, sign and return some papers. My thoughts are that I don't really want to sign a contract with them. I'd rather have the Texas AG office handle it. So then I have to contact them. The AG child support office says we need your 8 digit case number and the 10 digit customer number. Steam starts to blow from my ears. That stuff is in the bottom of a tightly packed box in the garage. I didn't think I'd need it. So either I dig through boxes or maybe the AG's office can find my case by my social security number. I have not heard back from them yet. They won't given information verbally. They have to send it through the mail. Steam.

So imagine my surprise this afternoon when I get an IM from my current almost ex-husband telling me there is a Fed Ex envelope for me at the old address. What? Uh...So I give him the address here. He says he'll send it on. Oh, joy. So then he said that would be something for me to write about on my blog. Yeah, buddy, here it is. Of course I had to tweet my irritation, too. Put something in print in black and white and these idiots still can't get it right! Now you know why I said..."kill all the lawyers"... I communicate to them, what part did they not understand? Jeez!

And then this afternoon, Traci discovers the AC is not cooling. Oh, joy. Someone should be out here in a couple of hours... heard that one before, too.

The only saving grace will be if the Astros beat the Pirates. The way they have been playing, that will be a big if. Come on guys, give me something to smile about today!

The Class of 2021

Today was Aryn's kindergarten graduation. Traci, Cheyanne and I went to watch the program. The high school gym was the place. I watched as the stands filled with siblings, parents, grandparents and other family members gathered to see all these little ones prepare to graduate. Who knew that 6 year old kids could be that clean and neat. The girls all wore pretty dresses and had nicely done hair, some with bows, others with ponytails. I wondered how long it took for the mothers to do that. It seemed like all the girls had learned the "Miss America" wave. The boys were all scrubbed up. I even saw a couple dressed in little suits and dress shoes. They were the ones who occasionaly slipped down on the gym floor. Almost all the boys seemed to have their hands in their pockets as they walked. Of course then the teachers would have to remind them to take their hands out of their pockets.

As "Pomp and Circumstance" played over and over and other, the little ones marched with their classes to their seats on the gym floor. Leading the way for the new graduates were really big kids dressed in graduation robes. At first I thought these kids are way too old. Then I realized they were some of the kids who are in a mentor group which pairs kids from kindergarten to 5th grade with a high school student. They are "pals". I think that is a nice idea. Tonight there were 12 of these students helping with the ceremony. From what I understand a lot of the high school kids do this, even some of the football players. The high school kids mentor and become buddies through out the school year with the little kids. I think that should be something more schools should do.

Of course we waited and waited for Aryn's class. As she walked in she looked around and around for us. As she got to her seat she discovered where we were and waved and waved. Every time we saw her she was looking around for us. Then I guess she was no different than any of the other kids. One thing I was not to sure about was why these little squirming kids had to sing nine songs. How do you keep those kids still? I was a little disappointed because I could not really hear what they were trying to sing. Let's face it. High school gyms are not known for their good acoustics. But when all the people were asked to join in to sing the China Spring alma mater, that was a bit louder, followed by what I guess was the fight song. I guess this because the audience and the Big high school pals were doing the Cougar gestures. At least, I think that is what they were doing.

Then we had to wade through the crowds to go get our newest graduate and head home. One sobering thought I had during this presentation. This will be the Class of 2021. Hope I'll still be around.

Was That a Firefly?

Bobby and I were sitting on the back porch last night talking about life. As I looked out toward the back of the yard I could see little flashes of light. They seemed to be everywhere. I can't remember when I last saw fireflies. I found myself drawn to their winged ballet.At times it seemed that they lit up the whole yard. It was a clear night and they seemed to be everywhere. I remember chasing them when I was a kid. I even managed to capture a few in a jar once. I could not take my eyes off them as the signaled to each other.

In Houston it is hard to find any fireflies. I guess that is one reason I enjoyed watching them last night. I don't really know why people in Houston don't see them anymore. Maybe it is because of all the lights around the city. Maybe when they have to spray for mosquitoes in the summer it kills fireflies. I don't know. Spraying doesn't seem to cut down on the mosquito population very well. Maybe harms the fireflies? Or maybe the fireants destroy the fireflies before the hatch out of their grub state?

I'm just going to have to sit outside more often so I can watch those guys. The male firefly is the one who has the "fire" so he can signal females. That is some pickup line. "hey baby, what's your sign?" Flash, flash... What can we learn from a firefly? Maybe, just enjoy them? Maybe something else? I guess it is all in your point of view. I enjoyed my "point of view" from the porch last night.

Hello Miss Diva, Remember Me?

There are sometimes when I wonder, "why do I do this?" Living with a diva is rough. Some days I think I live with two divas. It just depends on their mood, I guess. Although Lady rarely cares one way or the other about what happens, she must voice her opinion to the annoyance of everyone else. When the kids come home from school there are frequent knocks on the door. Usually it is one or more of the little kids wanting to play. Sometimes someone will want Cheyanne for something. Sometimes it is a little like Grand Central Station with people going in or out. Lately the Grand Dame, Lady has taken up residence on the couch under or on whatever blanket is available.So, while she is on her "throne" she makes sure to notify all, that with every knock at the door, she is annoyed. She sits there barking one single bark at a time until someone (that would be me) has to come speak directly to her to tell her to stop. Only then will she stop her opinionated barks which apparently are because her peace has been breached. Shush, dog! Yes you are a dog!

And of course we must not forget the Big Dog of Divas. Daisy. For a short little dog, she really assumes that she is in charge of all she surveys. Eveyone from kids to adults who happen to venture outside while Daisy is outside must immediately come thither and bow to her. Yes, kids are easy to order around. Adults, not so much. And yet she persists. Now that a house it being built directly across the street, it is very hard to get her to concentrait on the mundane things in life like doing her business. After all, everyone should notice her as she wags her tail in that come hither way. She simply can not understand why those guys don't notice her. Even walking down the street has it's hazzards. The sounds of some other "dog" (she is a Diva remember) barking from a back yard is cause for her to be alert. I, her obediant servant must make sure that her duties get done so that she is relieved of such mundane tasks. And don't even ask her to do anything in grass that might be just a little high or wet! With the recent rain, the back yard is no longer to her liking especially in the morning. After all grass must not touch the belly of the Diva nor should she have wet feet! She is not amused, so she seems to say.

Sometimes it is just not that easy with a dogs for pets. And to think they are supposed to be good for your heart and blood pressure. Uhuh, sure. Well I guess it is better than being a "yes,dear" to a man. Or is it?

The Trouble with Tribbles

Last night I decided to watch some old tv. So since I loved the original "Star Trek" tv show I decided to see if I could find the episode which has always been one of my favorites - The Trouble with Tribbles. So grandson,
Brad and I sat down to watch how the little furry creatures ran amok in the story. Brad was not really familiar with the original show that ran from 1966 - 1969. So I had a bit of explaining to do abuot who was who and what they were doing. He was wowed by how the Enterprise could just zip through space as it did ala old tv. Then I explained about the Klingons and how we had to be careful with them cause the were often the "bad guys". Brad was also interested in Mr. Spock's ears. He thought they were weird. So we had a little talk about Spock's heritage and how he works with Capt. Kirk. Then he saw the first tribble.

He asked my all about tribbles and where they came from, why are there so many, and why you can't tell which end is which. As the scenes changes and more and more tribbles showed up Brad laughed and giggled more and more. He thought it was funny when Capt. Kirk sat on one. Brad really liked the scene where Kirk ends up chest deep in tribbles and says "Somebody close that door". Then I told Brad to watch what happens later when the tribbles disappeared. Afterall Scotty did send them to the Klingons where they'll be "no tribble at all".

Brad wanted to watch another episode but, school tomorrow, his mother told him. Maybe we have a future Trekkie?

Free to Good Home

The ad reads:

Free to good home. One used wife.High mileage but still runs well. Cooks well, cleans frequently. Leaves no dishes in the sink. Good personality, doesn't argue much. Knows how to find bargains when shopping. Good with children and nosy neighbors. Loves to watch Houston Astros baseball and Houston Texans football. Also like college football, especially Texas and Alabama. Not a gossip, but knows how to keep a secret. Behaves well at a movie theater, doesn't throw popcorn.

Needs love, TLC and a little inspiration. Occasional flowers would be nice,too. Will make wonderful companion for the right man. E-Mail for more information. Serious inquiries only.

Right Now Quiet

It has been years since I have been in a new residential subdivision. This area has been developing for a couple of years now. It has a nice country feel to it, nice and quiet. Traci and Bobby like it, except when the construction is right on top of them. Then it gets to be chaos. Traci told me about the times the school bus could not get down the street because of all the construction trucks blocking the street and driveways. Since I've been here the last couple of months have been quiet. I could here the houses going up on a couple of other streets. But the nail gun noise was just far enough away not to be too bothersome.

Well, all our quiet is now changing again. There soon will be two houses built. One is going in near the end of the street. Right now that house is just about done with the basics. I saw a concrete truck go there this morning so I guess it won't be long before the framing starts. Then the other day the dump trucks dropped off five loads of dirt in the newly started house form directly across the street. I hope that house will be a two story cause the form seems very small. But what do I know. Then bright and early this morning the fun continued with more dirt and more noise.

Right now, it is again quiet. I can only assume that in a little while there will be more trucks disturbing the peace here. Daisy has already decided to try to tell them they are disturbing her peace by barking out the window at them. Somehow I don't think they even notice. For now, I'll just enjoy that quiet...

DVD? Take Your Pick...

It has occurred to me recently that I have been severely deprived. Yes, poor me. Traci and Bobby often ask if I have seen this movie or that movie. The answer is always "no". It would seem that I have missed quite a few movies. I remember seeing ads for different movies on tv. Some looked good, some not so much. Some I actually thought it would be nice to see in a theater. But since it was nearly impossible to pry Jimmy away from his poker games, we never went to a real movie. Oh sure we'd see movies on tv. Take a note, Ted, it may be time to get some new "classic" movies. I really think I have seem almost all of yours. But going to a real movie theater? Until Traci, Annie and I went to see Dwayne Johnson in the "Witch Mountain" movie, I had not been to a theater in years. As a matter of fact, the last movie I saw in a real theater was Bram Stoker's "Dracula". How long ago was that?

So I have some catching up to do. Luckily Traci has quite a collection of recent movies on DVD. Recently I saw "Transformers", one of Brad's favorites. He and Traci had to update me on what they were. They both are waiting for the new one to come out. Last night we watched "Ironman". I thought it was an interesting movie. Then we watched my hero, Harrison Ford's latest Indiana Jones movie. Ah yes, a fine man Mr. Ford is...

Now I am starting to think I need to do some real catch up work on movies. But at least there are a lot of good movies here on DVD. Ah, so many movies, so little time. Maybe I should make note of them and add them to my "bucket list"?

Identifying a Flower by IM

This morning my daughter, Annie, IMed me with a message that she was furious at her younger son, Michael. It seems that while she was out of the room, he decided to pull the flowers off a little gift plant that her older son, Skylar, had brought home from school. This was a Mother's Day present so you can imagine how mad she was.

So when she messaged me she asked what to do. Would that kill the plant? Would it still grow without the flowers? Of course I had to ask what kind of plant it was. Well, she didn't know, but she had seen some at the WalMart garden center. Ok, so that was a start.

I haven't been to a WalMart in about 2 months. It's been even longer since I have been in the garden center there. So since Annie was worried about the flower, I had to do some detective work.Remember, this was all by IM. I asked what color were the flowers - pink. Ok. Then I asked about the leaves. Were they long and slender? No, more rounded. Were they thick? No. How many petals did the flower have? She said it had four. I could not remember any flowers that had four petals. I tried to envision what WalMart would have as flowers. Pansy, begonia? Neither

She even showed me a web-cam of the plant, sans the flower. It did not register with my mind. And I love plants. I kept drawing a blank. I looked a pictures of likely flowers. Nothing. Of course Annie was still worried because she did want to try to keep it. She admits that she has little luck growing plants.

So we kept IMing back and forth. I suggested that she ask the teacher this afternoon when she went to pick up Skylar from school. From what I could see of the picture, I told her that I thought the plant itself would grow ok. But the fact that I could not think of what plant it could be continued to bug me. I searched through pictures of spring flowers over and over. Then it hit me! Impatiens! "That's it", she said with a big WOOT!

Whew! Well, now that I figured out what it was, no problem. So I gave her some suggestions on how to keep it growing. As far as Michael - well I guess he is in the dog house now.

Never thought I would see the day that I would be identifying a plant by IM. Will wonders never cease. Maybe I should try CSI. Yeah, right.

Oops,Proofread the Typing

Sometimes Jay Leno has a segment where he shows spelling or print errors in ads. How often do we see them in the church bulletin? Apparently more often than we think. For example:

- The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

- Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Think about this the next time you read your church bulletin.

When All Else Fails, Go to the Zoo

Yesterday one of Bobby's old friends came into town for a visit. He brought along his two young daughters. While visiting he decided ,let's all go. I was eager for the diversion. So were Brad and Aryn. So Bobby and I got in his car and led the way while Pat (not my son Pat) piled the kids all in his car and off we went.

I have to say that I was impressed with the Cameron Park Zoo in Waco. It is not the biggest I have seen but it is very nice. We got there just as it opened so there were not that many people to that point in time.It was pretty quiet and the weather was cool which made the walk around pleasant.The zoo has a good assortment of the usual animals, lions, tigers, bears, rhinos, elephants, and bird, We found it funny that some birds were captive while we could look up and see others of the same type outside the net. Wonder what those birds thought? Of course the colorful jungle birds were pretty, but so were the two bald eagles.

Aryn really liked the giraffes but was disappointed that we did not see any zebras. The black bears were hiding apparently too as were the playful otters. I thought the meerkats were cute. The male lion was taking his usual nap. Then the kids found the button. The zoo "lion's roar" sound effect that kids just love.

A lot of the exhibits featured Texas and local area wildlife. A lot of fish and snakes were part of this. I don't even remember how many different rattlesnakes we saw. Not my favorites, wonder why?

I was intrigued at how well the zoo was incorporated into the natural flora and fauna of the Waco area. The kids raced all over the place. Me, I found the walk around the grounds actually very peaceful. The grounds were well kept and filled with local wild flowers and plants. Several spots along the walk around the zoo had waterfalls. I'm a sucker for the sounds of waterfalls. Everything just seemed to be so natural there.

I have to say that I think Waco's zoo is a very nice place to visit.Now if we could just get the bears and otters to co-operate... I don't know about Aryn though, she still wants to see the zebras. Well at least she wasn't followed around by a turkey like I was. Honest buddy, I really don't need you to follow me from one end of your enclosure to the other. Really.

The Contest

One day a group of Darwinian scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one Darwinian to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The Darwinian walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the Darwinian was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the Darwinian happily agreed.

God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The Darwinian said, "Sure, no problem," and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"