What to do , what to do. Once again we are on the fence about helping my daughter and her family. I really dont feel that we will be sucessful, but that is being negative. My husband and 22 year old step-daughter and I have been discussing this for a while. What is the best way to push a 26 year old with a husband and 2 kids into independence. They have sunk into nothingness. You'd think after 6 years of marriage and 2 kids, you'd think they would have figured out how to grow up. Apparently they have not. It seems to be easier to live with his parents (and his older sister and her 2 kids)then be on their own. In the time they have been married, they've only been by themselves for a few months at a time. Most of the time they have lived with family. So we have been discussing if we should try to help. This would not be the first time we've tried to help people. So, far it has not ended well. In talking with my daughter, I've suggested different options. Each one had been rejected. The other day I asked if they had looked into finding jobs in Las Cruces, but was told that because it is a college town, they would not be any jobs. So, being shot down yet again, we wonder if her husband' mother is allowing them to be lazy and not encouraging them to move on. So,as a result we are once again toying with the idea of letting them stay with us get jobs here. Do I be the Good Mom or the Bad Mom? Hubby wants to set a time limit and ground rules. This includes helping with our increased expenses and babysitting while they search and find work. My step-daughter said he has contacts as far as possible jobs and housing. One of the problems for me though is I am afraid that they will take advantage of us. Having been burned a couple of times before, I hesitate to offer help. After all they are 26, it's about time they grew up. I just don't know what to do. He is not easy to get along with, and their kids stay up way to late as far as I am concerned. Since these 2 adults are no longer going to college or are employed, they tend to lounge around. They dont get the kids showered and dressed until late morning. We are early morning people. He is very smart, was planning to go into aerospace engineering. But his "I'm smarter then everyone" attitude angers people. She seems to have gotten lazy and depends on (or uses) to get what she wants. I really feel that his mother has done her children a disservice by allowing such sluggish behavior of her kids. Or maybe she is blessed with an overabundance of patience. Not Me! I can not imagine me allowing grown children and their children living with me free and clear till whenever... My stepdaughter has been on her own for 2 years now and is doing fine. I am really not in favor of trying to help out this people. I don't know what expectations my daughter and her husband have. If I don't help I'm bad, if I do help I am bad. I just don't understand how 2 smart people can't seem to figure out how to make a go of things. I remember when I got married a long time ago, we moved from South Carolina to Texas on a wing and a prayer.We did better than they are with less than they have. What do I want to be? Devil or Angel, I fear that either way someonw will be unhappy. Most likely me.