Tuesday, June 15, 2010

For Those Who Have Ever Golfed

A man went to the confessional. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

"What is your sin, my son?” the priest asked.

"Well,” the man started, “I used some horrible language this week, and I feel absolutely terrible.”

"When did you use this awful language?” asked the priest.

"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a power line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about a hundred yards.”

"Is that when you swore?”

"No, Father. After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.”

"Is that when you swore?”

"Well, no. You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons, and flew away!”

"Is that when you swore?” asked the amazed priest.

"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew toward the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball.”

"Did you swear then?”

"No, because as the ball felt it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

The priest signed, “You missed the putt, didn't you?”

Shadows on the ceiling

The other day I was upstairs in the bedroom when I noticed shadows moving on the ceiling. Big deal, right? Of course the dancing of the shadows was a result of the tree limbs at the front corner of the building. It was a breezy day so the limbs were swaying to the song of the wind. The window curtains block the sunlight but not the motion of the shadows of everything from the neighbors walking into or out of their place or that tree. It is really in a bad place because the branches rub along the wall and gutters at the corner of the building. Quite annoying to those who live there.

I don't have to listen to the rustling of the leaves or the scraping of the branches along the walls. I had not really paid much attention to the shadows made by the tree though. That is until I decided to lie down on the bed because I had a headache. A couple of aspirin and a nap should cure the problem I thought. I soon forgot about the headache because I noticed the movement on the ceiling. The tree limbs were bending in the breeze, but from my vantage point the picture on the ceiling looked like giant legs of a spider. Almost like a nature video the "legs" moved up and down, stretched and curled just like any good spider.

For a moment I thought I was watching one of those old 50's horror movies. The giant spider is about to devour the building! Run for your life! Each leg seemed to move independently of the others. Slowly, they reached out to grab an imagined prey. Is this spider ever going to get the unsuspecting victim? Or are the legs waving to others to signal that the take over of the world has begun? I couldn't help but watch all of this. Ah, well so much for a wild imagination...

Friday, June 04, 2010

Wonder How Long It Took?

Gotta love Spring. Flowers, weeds, bugs all come forward. If you like the time of year, you may like watching things. I do. I've always liked to watch things grow and see flowers bloom, especially if I grew them.

Occasionally I find myself watching and wondering about nature. Yeah we all have seen the fights between mockingbirds over the "ladies". I accidentally ran into a dove's nest a few weeks ago. "Excuse me - didn't mean to bother you". Even birds can give you "that look". Looking at butterflies I wonder about their colors and in some cases how far they flew to get here. Any vegetable garden is witness to crawling creatures foraging for food so they can move on to butterfly-hood. I have watched them chew their way through leaves or try to hide in among like colored leaves.

Then one day I watched a small green caterpiller moving along to what it hoped to be a good place to transform into that butterfly. At least I hope he was thinking. But the funny thing was he was inching along and trying to dine on a green sponge. Did he not think it was a little tough to chew? Never mind that the sponge color did not blend well with his body. Hum... It seemed to take a long time. I wonder how long it took for him to figure out that he was not crawling along a leaf? Was the taste, or lack there of, a clue? Or did a hungry bird grab him as a tender tasty bite first? I guess I will never know, but I wonder if he ever figured it out in time?