Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Grab a Box of Wine

I'm in a hurry. How come this store has some large bottles of red wines but no white wines. I need a large bottle of white wine. The last time Jan was here I had to get an extra bottle of her favorite wine. I'm not saying she drinks a lot but the word lush comes to mind. Oh wait, that is what she calls Daisy.

Why is it when I am in a hurry I can't find what I want. Ok, I guess that I will just grab the box of wine. Wine in a box is such a strange concept to me. I get the box home. I put it in the refrigerator to cool down for later. Of course I have to move things around to make room. Note to self, a box of wine takes up more room than a bottle of the same stuff. And I thought I had only had to move things around for the turkey.Ha!

Ok, then comes the grand opening. I take the box out. Let me see, how do I open the box? Ah, push tab one, then push tab two, pull down tab three. Why do I get the feeling I am about to do an episiotomy? I'll just make a little cut down here so the baby will have an easier time coming out, ok? Tell that to the bag of wine. After I did the first three steps, I look for the pour spout. This is not as easy as it looks. Reaching around in the box for that slippery, shinny bag, oh yeah. Where is a gynocologist when you need him? I finally grab hold of that shinny little bag and rotate the shoulders, I mean pull up the pour spout so I can see it. Is it a boy or a girl? Can't tell by the spout. Finally I find how to pull out the spout so that I can pour the wine. Turn the knob on the bag counter clockwise. Where is the opening? Good thing I am not in a hurry for a glass of this wine. Oh, I see it. It is not a screw cap or cork. Ok, I don't have to remove the top of this. So I have to hold the box upright to clear the baby , I mean pour the wine. Finally a glass of wine is born, I mean poured. Ah, here's to you, or me.

Just who is the idiot who dreamed up a box of wine? How dare he think it is easy to open! Right! The spout is easy to pop out pouring the wine is so easy. I think I have the hang of it now. That is after I cleaned up the spilled wine from the counter. So which is easier, opening a box of wine and pouring it, or having a baby? After a lot of pain and work they both come out ok. At least I can toss the box after it is empty.


cube said...

I have never bought a box of wine. I've never warmed to the concept.

BTW you don't have to chill red wine. Just think of all the room that would've saved.

Unknown said...

Yeah, unfortunately this was chablis.

Unknown said...

The guy who designed the box of wine was actually very smart. When you're sloshed and can't find a pillow, just blow the empty foil pouch up and VOILA! A pillow.

pineapple said...

the bag also doubles as a flotation device.

Bazza said...

Another problem with boxes of wine is if you leave them on your kitchen worktop, 4 year olds can't help pressing the button, or turning the tap to see what happens.