Monday, November 08, 2010

To Spank or Not to Spank...

I am so glad that my children were as good as they were. Sure they were not always good and the occasionally were spanked for various reasons. Most of the time it was because they would not listen and left me no choice. Yeah, I did the time out routine when they were little. I also spanked when that did not work. But right from the start I had rules for them.

I feel that in some cases spanking is not only a useful too but sometimes there is no other option. I do understand that some people don't want their child spanked. So what do you do when time out or taking away something doesn't work? Some small children do not seem to respond to time outs. This is fine for parents who have kids who listen. What happens if they don't listen and continue to misbehave even after a time out?

My children had a certain bedtime and a certain routine every day. They knew what to expect. However some children don't seem to have any ground rules. They stay up late and talk back to parents or caregivers. They don't listen to what the adults say. They are too young to understand that somethings are not safe for them to do, so the adult has to watch them closely to keep them out of harm's way. When told what to do they don't always listen. This is not good for their future education and relationships.

While I respect a parent's right to choose a non-spanking form of punishment, that does not always work. It is fine for some who have docile children or only one child. But occasionally there is a child who refuses to pay attention to anyone. Since I've been babysitting a couple of children I have run across many hurdles in childhood. I'm looking after a couple of kids all day and one after school. All of them know the rules. Occasionally they break the rules and sometimes a little spanking helps. I rarely have many serious problems. Just the "threat" of a spanking usually does the trick.

But recently there is another child in the mix. She is the same age as the two all day kids. So that makes two who are four, one three and the eldest is six and in school during the day. The newest four year old will be leaving my care soon because her mother did not like the fact that I had to spank her daughter one day. I can understand that. But personally I don't think the child is getting proper supervision at home which is creating a problem for me. I think a four year old should have a set bedtime, say eight o'clock in the evening. She has no such rule. She is often up at midnight. Then she has to be up early to go to the baby sitter (me). Since mom won't allow spanking, this little girl does what she wants when she want to do it. She often talks the other children into trouble. Then she lies about it. I've seen it all. She will go to kindergarten next year. I hope she doesnt talk to her teacher the way she talks to me.

In some ways I hate to see her go. She is a bright little girl and very smart. Unfortunately she thinks she can do what ever she wants and there will not get into trouble. She actually is the ring leader as far as getting others into trouble. I have tried to adhere to her mother's no spank rule. But this girl refuses to listen and no seems to get thru to her. I fear that the parents are not giving her the right lessons. There are always rules and dispbeying them always involves some form of punishment. But when no kind of punishment seems to phase a kid what should we do? She will soon be going to a daycare rather than this house care. I'm afraid that she will find that she is not "in charge" and she will not like their rules either. Me, I'm glad she will soon be out of my hair. Of course now I will have to remind the others that the way she has been behaving will make me call Santa. He won't be happy with her behavior either. But only time will tell. Have fun little girl, you may be able to fool your mamma but you can't fool me. Your new school will be more than you thought you would get.


A Frazzled Mommy said...

I've found that spanking has never been an effective form of punishment. My kids are still in their formative years, 13 and 8, and they've brought friends over who don't have rules at their homes. Right from the start, I let them know my house has rules and they will be followed. Any disrespect and the kid is out of my house and earns their way back in. And the kids that earn their way back in are the ones that really want to be here. (I also ended up teaching phone etiquette to a few little girls; again, these little girls ended up wanting to be at my house all the time.)

I'm not a perfect parent, and I'm far from a perfect person. But I found that just having my house rules set in place and having them known from the start helped me with the kids coming in and out of my house.